Biggest Loser
Season 13, Episode 13

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Banana Surprise

The excuse for this week is, "Exercise is boring." Bob doesn't understand how this is a real thing, because he is insane. Has he ever BEEN on an elliptical? Three minutes feel as long as an entire episode of Biggest Loser, which feels like eternity. But Bob plays along, and tells his people that he's taking them on a field trip. Dolvett's people also go off campus, and he takes them to a Zumba class. This Zumba class is, like, taking place in the club. Only the glow sticks are missing. The Losers are skeptical. Buddy points out that they have three guys on their team, and their only woman is an ex-wrestler. He thinks the whole experience should be interesting. Meanwhile, you know who looks hot doing Zumba? Yes, it's Dolvett. He would look hot while hillbilly handfishing. The Losers are having a great time, and Jeremy is excited to be in the same room as bouncing boobs. Buddy winds up having surprising reserves of rhythm, much to everyone's delight. Oh my god, and Dolvett can do The Splits! If he had a wig to rip off, it would be like he was lip-syncing for his life. He is a marvel. And here's a challenge for you: fuck, marry, kill -- Jillian, Bob, Dolvett. Tweet or email me your responses! I have to ponder that one for a while. What's difficult is that Bob would make a really great husband and, like, bring you grapefruit in bed in the mornings. I still might kill him, though. But I digress. Everyone in the class applauds the Losers for their accomplishments, and it's really nice to see them smile for a change.

Meanwhile, Bob's Losers are going on a bike ride. They explain that this is much different than being on a spin bike, where you can read a magazine and chill out a little. Conda, of course, complains the whole time. Bob wants her to pipe down and keep pedaling, because she's still got a lot of weight to lose. He also sees this ride as a good challenge for Megan, and hopes that it will help to awaken her inner fire. She says that it's the hardest thing she's done so far as they pedal up a big hill, but she doesn't stop. Triumph of the spirit! Everyone is very proud, and now they get to ride downhill as a reward.

And then it's time for a visit from Jared from Subway! I'm always amazed to find out that that guy is still alive. And still skinny! He shows the contestants his old giant pants, which were a size 58. Jared of course lost, like, 500 pounds by eating only Subway, which a very tiny-fonted disclaimer tells us is not typical. Just go to the store and buy some vegetables, everybody. The only good thing to get at Subway is the BMT, and I doubt that salami is considered an acceptable diet food.

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Biggest Loser

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