Biggest Loser
Season 13, Episode 16

Episode Report Card
Potes: B- | 2 USERS: A+
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Occupy Biggest Loser

The next day, we're stuck with more Jeremy, Conda and Kim. Conda is all "triumph of the spirit!" about the fact that she's finishing what she started for the first time in her life. Say it with me: Bitch, please. Maybe I'll just stop writing this recap because I'm so over everybody who's on my screen right now. IT'S A MORAL ISSUE! Sorry, I keep screaming, but this whole thing just burns my biscuits. Anyway, Sami then has to go on with the excuse of the week, which is about not having motivation. I think the excuse of the week should be, "It's not fair!" or "I didn't read my contract!" And then right before we cut to commercials, we learn that the contestants competed in the Tough Mudder challenge. But we have to go on the NBC site to watch it. But that would have been fun to watch! Up is down in week sixteen of The Biggest Loser.

When we return, a big motivational surprise is coming toward the contestants. It's a Ford Escape, in keeping with the ecologically friendly bent of this show. At the end of the week, the player with the highest percentage of weight loss will win the car. But there's more! The player with the lowest percentage of weight loss will fall below the red line and be automatically eliminated. Those who are not eliminated, however, are guaranteed a spot in the finale.

Conda, Jeremy, and Kim head to the gym, and Bob and Dolvett claim to be happy that they've stayed. Bob does some bonus product placement about the Ford Escape. Now, if someone left the show because of the bad product placement, I would understand. Just to see Conda stomping off yelling, "YOGURT IS NOT A DESSERT!" would be a stand for dignity. While Jeremy and Kim work out with Dolvett in the gym, Bob takes Conda out on the road and tells her that he's going to harness her to the Ford Escape and make her pull it. Triumph of the spirit, etc. Bob is determined to make her regret the fact that she stayed in the house. Kim and Jeremy work out in the gym, and Dolvett tells us that they're both huge competitors. He's planning on going all out with them.

After a break, the contestants are eating Subway. Now, if they want to stage a protest about the fact that they have to eat Subway all the time, I'm down. Bob and Dolvett take them into the gym, where a movie screen is set up. They get to watch footage past, showing exactly how large and sad they were when they started the show, and how much they worked, and how much they puked, and how much they cried, and how many triumphs of the spirit they had. Okay, AND ANOTHER THING. These bitches got to work out in the White House with Michelle Obama. And a free trip to Hawaii! They can just shut it about what's fair and what's not fair. What a bunch of tools. I hope whichever of the former contestants they bring back wins -- I don't even care who it is. Or just give it all up and donate the $250,000 to the food bank. Ugh, worst.

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Biggest Loser

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