At three hours in, Jeremy and Mike are really hurting. I can't even imagine how stiff I would be in this scenario. At three hours ten minutes, Mike stretches back and finally has to put his foot down on the pole. This means that stupid Jeremy wins and is a finalist. Of course he thinks this is the biggest triumph of the spirit that has ever triumphed. Clearly, he is a hero to all mankind. And, I mean, Jeremy actually DID earn a spot back into the finale, both through his performance in this challenge and by having the highest percentage of weight lost of the returning contestants, but I still can't muster up any enthusiasm about him or a feeling that something just has occurred.
Instead of a whole episode featuring the contestants heading home, we get a five-minute montage. I am so down with that, I can't even tell you. There are parties with families and friends and lots of applause, and I do get a little twinge in my heart as Kim's son chokes up while telling us that he knew his mom would make it this far. Conda and Jeremy tell their respective tales of "earning" a spot in the final three and having been eliminated and then coming back. This is one instance where I really wish America could vote for the winner, or vote to boot someone, or something to show our enduring displeasure. Remember that time Heba basically got hosed by America's vote? It was the best! At least we have the comfort of a swift ending, I suppose.
Next week: live finale! Go Kim, I guess?
Potes is, by default, rooting for Kim, just like the producers wanted. She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at email@example.com.