Next is Gail, who cried and complained her way through the majority of her time on the ranch. She goes from 322 to 235, for a loss of 87 pounds or 27.02%. In response to seeing this number, Gail cries. She then milks her moment on stage forever, and Ali asks what her emotion is about. Gail just shakes her head and says it means the world to her that she saved her life. Eh, I wouldn't say that she's out of the woods yet. Lauren is up next, and goes from 246 to 157, for a loss of 89 pounds or 36.18%. This is close to ousting Emily, but not quite good enough. Lauren talks for a while, which is bizarre since I don't think she ever got any actual screen time during the season. And then there's Roy Kenny Rogers Santa Claus! He needs to have lost more than 118 pounds to take the lead from Emily. Roy goes from 306 to 218, for a loss of 88 pounds or 28.76%. He knows when to fold 'em, I guess.
Next up is Mrs. Rogers-Claus, Chris, who goes from 240 to 163, for a loss of 77 pounds or 32.08%. Alas! It is not enough. And then the audio cuts out for a while, and I think maybe Emily said a curse word? She should start swearing, because Mike is approaching the scale. There's no way this guy isn't the winner. He's, like, exceptionally lanky now. He'll need to have lost more than 138 pounds to take the $100,000 prize. Mike goes from 358 to 190, for a loss of a whopping 160 pounds. That's 44.69%, and a well deserved victory. He basically did all that shit himself at home, too, since he wasn't on the ranch for very long.
When we return, it's time to see how our finalists have fared, but not before giving big congrats to Sam and Stephanie from Season 9! They just got married! And Sam is still alive after the harrowing accident that we heard about last year, so that's good. Oh, and then we learn that we haven't escaped montages entirely. We first get to see Conda's journey, from completely horrible person to slightly less horrible person. She emerges onto the set, and really does look lovely. I mean, there's no way in hell that she's winning, but she looks good and I covet her dress. Ken Paves did her right with that hair, too. Next, there is Jeremy montage. Though never the sharpest tool in the shed, Jeremy was more or less amusing, and his nipples received widespread acclaim. Oh my God, and you know how the contestants always come out onto the stage through some version of their fat self? This year, there is a big screen that splits in half, featuring extreme close-ups of the "before" bodies. Jeremy's starts right on his crotch, and pans up to his big ole' nipples. I understand that the producers must be holding a grudge against this kid, but that's just cruel. Jeremy does look really great now, and quite skinny.