Biggest Loser
Season 13, Episode 18

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Jennie...Oh.

And then there's Kim. She was a wrestler who broke her back, and became the default favorite of the season because everyone else was so horrible. Some people seem to think that Dolvett is really into Kim, which I will tell you again is impossible because he's madly in love with me. Kim, you will not be surprised to know, looks unbelievable, if just a tad emaciated. Someone got her some eye cream or something, so she's looking a little fresher of face than she was for most of the season. Conda is hating her life right now, because she still looks comparatively hefty next to her brother and skinny Kim. Ali Sweeney asks Kim what the future holds. The answer is: babies with Dolvett, if she's smart. Ali then gets a camera to linger on Conda's daughter, Brooklyn, because she's much more pleasant to look at than Conda. Conda starts crying about her triumph of the spirit, saying she accomplished what she came here to do. So, apparently her goal was to annoy the buttons out of all of America. Then there's Jeremy, who is standing here because of his surprising ability to stand on a pole for a million hours. Jeremy talks about how he always felt like he was supposed to be in the final three, which is currying favor with exactly no one. When will they learn?!?

Miss Alison Sweeney shows a quick Michelle Obama montage, and reminds us of the challenge tied to the Presidential Fitness thing, in which the Loser who got the most Americans to join in their honor wins a gym in his or her community. And the winner is... Kim. That's not unexpected, of course. Meanwhile, I know we're strapped for time, but don't you want Ali Sweeney to take at least one minute to nail these folks to the wall about their threat to leave the show? Instead, we get a brief glimpse of Dr. "Death" Huizenga and the nutritionist lady who Jeremy wants to bone. America demands comeuppance!

After a break in which the final three change into their weigh-in duds, it is time for the moments of truth. Conda is up first, and goes from 294 to 179, for a loss of 115 pounds. That's 39.12%, and it's actually way better than I thought she'd do. I give a begrudging, "Good for her." Jeremy is on the scale next. He goes from 389 to 190, for a loss of 199 pounds. That's an impressive 51.16%. I give begrudging credit. That's pretty amazing, and I don't know if it's physically possible for Kim to beat that. I'm sure the producers have been feeding her diuretics in an attempt, though. Kim steps on the scale and says that they've both already won. Except they haven't, because they're not going to both have a check in their hands when this is all through. To beat Jeremy, Kim needs to have lost more than 128 pounds. She goes from 252 to 134, which is a loss of 118 pounds. Stupid Jeremy has won. Maybe now he will choke on some confetti? Well, at least it's over.

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Biggest Loser

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