Biggest Loser
Season 13, Episode 9

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The Five Percent Solution

We enter post-elimination, where Sami calls both the Black and Red Teams together to drop some knowledge. People are going home! For a whopping 18 days! They can now face all of the well-documented excuses for fattening it up and triumph or perish accordingly. Speaking of excuses, I have one to add to the list: "It's Girl Scout Cookie season!" I am eating Samoas right now, no lie. In any case, people seem generally excited, though the 18-day bit is certainly a surprise. But wait, there's more! There will be a weigh-in when the contestants return to campus, and everyone has a chance to earn immunity. All they have to do is lose 5% of their body weight. If a person hits that target, he or she is safe even if his or her team loses the challenge. The targets for each contestant to stay safe are as follows:


Jeremy: 16 pounds

Mark: 12 pounds

Chris: 10 pounds

Kim: 10 pounds

Emily: 11 pounds

Megan: 11 pounds

Kimmy: 9 pounds

Cassandra: 10 pounds

Conda: 13 pounds

Chism: 15 pounds

Buddy: 16 pounds

Furthermore, if all contestants on a team reach their 5% goal, there will be no elimination. It's a bit of a daunting task, but the contestants seem up to the challenge.

Little planes take off on an animated map, and soon enough we're with the contestants in their various Midwestern and Southern homes. (Seriously! All of them! Maybe Fall 2012 can be an all Mississippi season?) Various parties await them, and some meaningful-sounding music plays prominently in the background. Plenty of happy tears are shed, and hugs abound. There is pride and joy and reuniting and it feels so good. These are people who need people, and they are in fact the luckiest people in the world. Etcetera. The contestants announce just how many pounds they've lost since starting on the show, to wild familial applause. Kimmy gets to announce that she's no longer a type II diabetic, which is greeted with much excitement.

The contestants are not home very long before they get a DVD. It's Sami, of course, telling them that their next challenge is about to begin. These people just want to sit on their own recliners in their own living rooms for half an hour before having to deal with this bullshit again. But alas. Sami will not be denied. She reveals that there are rowing machines set up for each contestant. All will start rowing at the same time, and the first person to row 10,000 meters wins the challenge. 10,000 meters is apparently a long ways on a rowing machine. The prize for this challenge is $1 per meter rowed, which means $10,000 for the winner. And everyone gets the rowing machine, too, which seems significantly less exciting.

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