The Silver Team -- Carla and Joelle -- are next. They're so fabulous that you can't call their team Gray. Carla weighs 379 pounds, while Joelle weighs 309. Wait, Carla IS bigger than Kristin! I knew it. They weigh 688 pounds total. Bob notes that Carla is hanging with the big men on the show, and Sami tells Carla that she's officially the heaviest woman ever to be on the show. There's one team left to weigh in -- Orange Team Dan and Dave. This is the big kahuna. Dan prepares for the worst. He weighs in at 454 pounds, while David weighs 393 pounds. That's 847 pounds total. Dan is not quite Discovery Health Channel big, but he is the heaviest contestant ever on The Biggest Loser, and together they're the heaviest team. Jillian laughs with glee, because she's going to beat them skinny.

With that, it's time for the teams to get to work. Bob and Jillian start to have at them in the gym, and Bob reminds us that these fuckers are large. He's ready for a sleepless season. Jillian, meanwhile, tells her team that she's going to push each of them until they quit. And if they quit, that's fine. She's not going to yell, she's just going to show them the door. I give this New Year's resolution about 45 seconds. As soon as someone puts their hands on the treadmill bars, she's done. The contestants are obviously having some immediate challenges. Pink Helen says she's never lifted a weight in her life. Green Laura wheezes on the treadmill, and Jillian tells her that she's not going to die. Jillian interviews that Laura immediately started with the theatrics. That's a pretty convincing theatrical wheeze. She gets some support from her teammate, Tara, and then just does what Jillian says until she pukes, and then does what Jillian says some more. She hopes that things will get better, though Jillian yells that things will get worse. Positive motivation works every time.

Bob, meanwhile, shows his team the miracles of the Bodybugg, which keeps track of all the calories you take in, and all the calories you burn, all by just being strapped to your arm all day then connected to your computer's USB port! I want one of those.

Oh! And then there's a Jerry update. The doctors told Jerry that his blood pressure dropped when he was working out, which caused him to pass out. He realizes that he's in worse shape than he thought, and is ready to get going and get his life back in order. He is greeted triumphantly when he enters the BL house. Jillian delivers some bad news to him: she's going to be his trainer. She's such a card! She gives him a big, loving squeeze and he admits that he's excited but scared.