Biggest Loser

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Large and In Charge

With that, it's time for the teams to get to work. Bob and Jillian start to have at them in the gym, and Bob reminds us that these fuckers are large. He's ready for a sleepless season. Jillian, meanwhile, tells her team that she's going to push each of them until they quit. And if they quit, that's fine. She's not going to yell, she's just going to show them the door. I give this New Year's resolution about 45 seconds. As soon as someone puts their hands on the treadmill bars, she's done. The contestants are obviously having some immediate challenges. Pink Helen says she's never lifted a weight in her life. Green Laura wheezes on the treadmill, and Jillian tells her that she's not going to die. Jillian interviews that Laura immediately started with the theatrics. That's a pretty convincing theatrical wheeze. She gets some support from her teammate, Tara, and then just does what Jillian says until she pukes, and then does what Jillian says some more. She hopes that things will get better, though Jillian yells that things will get worse. Positive motivation works every time.

Bob, meanwhile, shows his team the miracles of the Bodybugg, which keeps track of all the calories you take in, and all the calories you burn, all by just being strapped to your arm all day then connected to your computer's USB port! I want one of those.

Oh! And then there's a Jerry update. The doctors told Jerry that his blood pressure dropped when he was working out, which caused him to pass out. He realizes that he's in worse shape than he thought, and is ready to get going and get his life back in order. He is greeted triumphantly when he enters the BL house. Jillian delivers some bad news to him: she's going to be his trainer. She's such a card! She gives him a big, loving squeeze and he admits that he's excited but scared.

And then it's challenge time! On a bridge! Sami tells the contestants that they're in between two lives: the sucky, fat one, and the happy, skinny one. There is a bridge that will bring them from one side to the other, and it is built of challenges. The specific, literal challenge on this bridge is 250,000 pounds of sand. The teams must race over the bridge, across the sand to their team's colored flag, and then back. The top five teams after the first heat will go to the second round, and the top two teams from the second round will go head to head for the victory. The winning team will get immunity at the weigh-in. This is obviously huge, thus befitting the theme of the season.

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Biggest Loser

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