Biggest Loser

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Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Special Guest Appearance By Jillian's Mom

The Blue Team needs to have lost more than 34 pounds to be safe from elimination. Dan is up first, and is positive that the Blue Team is going to win the weigh-in. He goes from 244 to...a commercial.

Meanwhile, back in the actual world, there are still primaries going on. Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. all go to Obama! Barack Obama is like the refrigerator that the mid-Atlantic runs to when it doesn't want to deal with its childhood trauma. If the divorce rate in those states weren't so high, Hillary Clinton would have stood a chance. McCain takes Maryland and Virginia on the Republican side, with D.C. too close to call. I think that the results of all the primaries should be tossed out, and McCain and Huckabee should be forced to do a weigh-in to determine who will be the Republican nominee. Though Huckabee would give the last chance workout his all, the high caloric content of squirrel might put him at a disadvantage on the scale. I am also slightly terrified at the thought of John McCain wielding a medicine ball.

Okay, back to the show! Dan is up on the scale. He goes from 244 to 237, for a loss of 7. All of those predictions that Dan would throw the weigh-in were off the mark, I guess. Dan's lost 73 pounds total, and feels amazing. Go, Dan! Then there's Roger. He goes from 301 to 292, for a loss of 9. Again, a really good number, and he's in the 200s. Kelly cries another tear for every pound shed by the Blue Team. Trent is next. He goes from 357 to 349, for a loss of 8. Getting under 350 is a milestone for him, and he's lost 87 pounds total. He's a good guy, so I applaud him. Brittany figures that the Black Team is going to get a solid butt-whooping. Kelly is still crying. Jillian's mom needs to have, like, a week-long retreat with her. The Blue Team is up to 24 pounds -- that's just over 10 pounds needed for them to avoid facing elimination. Mark steps on the scale. He goes from 221 to 215, for a loss of 6. He's happy with that. I am not happy with anything that he does. Finally, there's Jay, who needs to lose more than 4 pounds to take his team to victory. Since Jay has lost five pounds the last few weeks, Maggie thinks it's all over for the Black Team. Jay goes from 248 to...commercial. The suspense!

Jay goes from 248 to 244. FOR A LOSS OF FOUR!!! Holy schnikies!!! The Black Team wins!!! I'm so excited that I can't stop using exclamation points!!! It's like the Superbowl all over again!!! Okay, calm down, Potes. Jay is disappointed, and feels like he let his team down. Mark semi-encouragingly says that it's a loss, but you know he's going to whip Jay's butt when they get back to the house. The best part is that Jay has immunity. The Black Team is in total shock. The Blue team lost 34 pounds, or 2.48%. One pound, bitches! Paul is the Biggest Loser of the Week. And, because it can't be said enough, the Blue Team is facing elimination.

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Biggest Loser

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