Biggest Loser

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They Got Fat Together, Can They Get Thin Together?

Kelly and Paul weigh in first. Kelly goes from 271 to 258 (13 pounds), and Paul goes from 303 to 286 (17 pounds). That's a combined loss of 30 pounds, or 5.23%. Everyone is impressed. Kelly really looks and sounds like Chastity Bono, too. Maybe all blonde fat people do, when you stop to think about it. Mark and Jay are next. Mark goes from 285 to 268 (17 pounds) and Jay goes from 293 to 280 (13 pounds). Their total loss is also 30 pounds. But! They won the challenge and get to add two pounds. This is 32 pounds, or 5.54%. Then we have Mallory and Curtis. Mallory goes from 217 to 203 (14 pounds) and Curtis goes from 381 to 359 (22 pounds). They've lost 36 pounds, or 6.02%. This puts them in first place. Mallory hilariously says that she wanted to jump up and down when she saw her loss, but didn't want to break the scale.

Big Trent and Roger are next. Trent goes from 436 to 407 (29 pounds!!) and Roger goes from 363 to 343 (20 pounds). That's 49 pounds total, or 6.13%. This means they take over first place. The orange team is next, and Jackie starts crying. She doesn't feel like she can compete with all of the incredible numbers, and she doesn't want to let Dan down. MASTERSTROKE, I tell you. Dan goes from 310 to 285 (25 pounds!) and Jackie goes from 246 to 231 (15 pounds). Fears allayed. This is a total of 40 pounds, or 7.19%. Everyone just keeps topping each other! I also must note that Dan's young man-boobs are the most perky and supple there, so it's really a double victory of sorts. Then it's time for Jenni and Lynn. Lynn goes from 409 to 390 (19 pounds), while Jennie goes from 267 to 260 (7 pounds). That's 26 pounds total, or 3.85%. They are laaaaaaaaast, by kind of a lot. Jenni is disappointed, and says she was working four times as much as her dad was. She doesn't know what happened. She either missed the memo about water loading or Lynn slipped one of his kidney stones into her pocket unawares.

Then it's time for Amanda and Neill. Amanda goes from 204 to 190 (14 pounds), while Neil goes from 317 to 304 (13 pounds). Their total loss is 27 pounds, or 5.18%. They are not yet safe from elimination. You can tell that Jillian wants to strangle Neill. Maggie and Jenn are next, and are pretty worried. Jenn goes from 254 to 242 (12 pounds), while Maggie goes from 239 to 229 (10 pounds). Their total is 22 pounds, minus two pounds for losing the challenge. At 20 pounds lost, their percentage is 4.06%, which still isn't as bad as Jenni and Lynn. Bette-Sue and Ali are next, and have to lose more than 19 pounds. Ali starts bawling. MASTERSTROKE! Bob notes that the big numbers are freaking her out, and Ali says that they can't do it. Oh, and then Bette-Sue starts crying too. A little last-minute water out of the system never hurt anyone, I guess. Bette-Sue goes from 261 to 245 (16 pounds!), while Ali goes from 234 to 215 (19 pounds!). Boo yah! That's 35 pounds total, or 7.07% -- enough for second place. They are both thrilled, and get a much-needed confidence boost. This means Lynn and Jenni are definitely below the yellow line. Brittany and Bernie have to lose more than 20 pounds to be safe. Bernie goes from 283 to 266 (17 pounds) and Brittany goes from 221 to 211 (10 pounds). Puking does a diet good! That's 27 pounds, or 5.36%. Jenn and Maggie are below the yellow line along with Lynn and Jenni. Thank God, because there is really only room in my brain for one Jennifer derivative.

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Biggest Loser




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