And then it's time to bring up the regular old adult contestants, Price Is Right style from the audience. So, apparently none of these folks know that they've been chosen as contestants. As a hint: if you're 400 pounds and sitting in this audience, you are probably a contestant. The first to be called up is Michael Dorsey, 34, who has a starting weight of 444 pounds. We see a video of Michael's wife, adorable baby, and habit of eating a huge container of chicken wings in the car. Awesome. Lisa Rambo is called next -- she's 36, weighs 246 pounds, and is from Hudson, Wisconsin, where all there is to do is eat cheese. She and her husband have four kids, and she's a special education assistant at Hudson High School. She seems like the sweetest, and also makes excellent looking pancakes. Next is Jackson Carter, who is a young 21 with a starting weight of 328 pounds. He's from Layton, Utah, and is SO EXCITED, you guys. Jackson came out as a gay man in ninth grade, and high school was basically a living hell. He started finding comfort in food, and recently realized how out of hand his weight had gotten.

Then there's TC Pool, 30 and 376 pounds, from Albany, Oregon. He's married with three kids, and was in a crazy car accident with his son, Taylor, a few years back. They were rear-ended and TC's seat broke (largely due to his weight), fracturing his son's skull. Taylor pulled through, though, and so TC is committed to losing weight in his honor. But wait! TC gave his whole sob story and talked about how he's tried to get on the show for five seasons, but Sami totally did not call his name! Instead, she calls Nathan Montgomery, 25 and 39 pounds with the beard of an Amish man. He wants to marry his girlfriend, which, someone should tell him, you can totally do while overweight. Sami then calls in rapid succession someone whose name is not captioned but who I believe is named Francelina Barrillo, Pam Gile, Gina McDonald, Alex...oh, fuck it, I can't keep up. They'll tell us later, right?