In any case, Sami has called fourteen folks, and has only one key to the ranch gym left. And duh, it's going to TC. If this were America's Next Top Model, he totally would have been sent crying on the bus back to Buffalo (it doesn't matter that he's actually from Oregon).

With that, the contestants are on the ranch! The teams are pre-arranged, and when they run up to see which teams they are assigned to, the members of Bob and Dolvett's teams cheer and high-five, while Jillian's team members just look nervous. Jillian says that even though there are teams, the trainers are working collaboratively and will all be available to all the contestants. Happiness and harmony! The contestants get new and improved t-shirts (THANK GOD) that actually seem to be made of some sort of wicking material. Each contestant gets a membership to Planet Fitness, which also sponsored the ranch gym.

And the kids are waiting outside! The trainers will take turns working with the wee ones, with Dolvett going first with the youngsters. He introduces a baseball-inspired workout, which is based on Bingo's love of the sport. He tells us that with kids you want to have workouts that are activity-based, and fun. And, based on his appearance, you want to inspire young people with your very tight form-fitting workout pants. Reow! The kids are only on the ranch for the week, so the trainers have to give them skills to get healthy at home. All the way from the makeshift baseball field, Dolvett and the kids can hear Jillian yelling from inside the gym. One of the girls jokes that she thought they had it bad, and Dolvett is like, "You have NO idea."

Cut to the gym where everything new is old again and Jillian is screaming at people not to touch the treadmill. She wants pitbulls on her team. She has a ways to go, as evidenced by Nathan falling off the treadmill. Then Jackson totally looks like he's about to pass out but is too terrified to grab the side of the treadmill, and someone else pukes. As Jillian continues to scream at people about their inability to run five miles an hour for 20 seconds, Jackson actually DOES pass out, right on top of a medic. So, yeah, Jillian is back and this show is clearly SO DIFFERENT than it used to be. Now I remember why I didn't miss it. Jackson does eventually wake back up (after a commercial break) but is speaking gibberish. Only the medic appears to be concerned.