The Cape

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: C- | Grade It Now!
Return of the Lich
both hate The Cape and how he'll protect her. In the dream, Orwell wants to know if it's real. She cuts her hand and feels no pain. So she knows it's not happening, which means she should start Lucid Dreaming now. No, she just dances with dream-Vince anyway. I wonder if she always cuts her hand every time something seems a little weird. Which would be pretty frequent on this show.

Title Card: "FORSAKING ALL OTHERS." An ARK Hallway. Vince and Travis slip in through a door marked "Emergency Exit Only." It requires a keycard to go OUT? That seems like it would be a fire code violation. Travis tells Vince to follow police procedure. Didn't the police already do that? The whole point of having a costumed vigilante is that he can work outside the law, etc. etc. There are two cops guarding the interrogation room, but Vince magically appears in there anyway. The lights all dimmed when he did that, and it's not clear how. So now Vince is in there threatening Preston Holloway while Travis watches from the other side of the one-way mirror. When Vince shoves Preston against the wall, Travis says "Easy, Cape. SOP." So he's serious about only letting the weirdo in the costume do whatever it is the cops already did. Then Vince pops some flash paper and hypnotizes Preston. Preston doesn't want to say where Conrad is. Vince asks where Preston's family is. Dana (who has arrived in the observation room to join Travis) claims they're running out of time. Preston says he buried his family and waited for their resurrection. And now his master is coming home, where he belongs. Vince decides that makes sense. He touches Dana's hand through the one-way mirror. Then the lights dim, and when they come back, Vince is gone from the interrogation room. In other words, he teleported out of a locked room guarded by two policemen. If he can do that, why did he need help getting in the building?

Netta neatens the Lich's collar. He tells her it's not appropriate for an old woman to live with two newlyweds. Illeana Douglas isn't that old! Orwell can now sort of come close to making a fist.

Title Card: "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE." Orwell's non-IV hand creeps over and disconnects the IV from her wrist. She mumbles to herself to wake up. In her dream, a bridesmaid reports that her father is here. To the surprised of no one, it's Peter Fleming. She tells him she doesn't want him to be your father. He tells her she can't run form her genes, and that she'll always belong to him. She demands to know where her mother is. "She's where she's always been," he answers. Vague! And not all that interesting! She walks toward one of those freestanding white doors, but before she can open it, Peter tells her it's time. As she's led toward Vince, we cut back and forth between the dream and reality, in which Netta is rolling Orwell's wheelchair up to the Lich. The wedding happens, in both dream and reality. But before either kiss can take place, Orwell calls for Vince. The Lich is furious and slaps her. She says, "Conrad. Please." He shouts about not being called that, and decides that it's time to throw her in a grave. Man, he didn't even wait for the honeymoon? Is he just into the actual wedding ceremony?

Max, Vince, and Rollo are at a giant mansion, which I guess is the old Chandler place. No one thought to look there? Heck, the city took the ports when the Chandlers died; you'd think they'd claim this giant cool mansion, too. Vince says this is where Julia is being held. I think that's the name Orwell used when she met the Carnival of Crime a few episodes ago. You know, when she did some aerialist training. Vince says that shotguns are out, so it's punching time. The next scene shows that Rollo has murderized about eight guys barehanded. One of the guys runs out, locking the door behind him. Vince now tells Rollo and Max about the Chandlers and their background in making neurotoxins and stuff.

The Lich tells Netta to dope Orwell up with paralytic, then dump her in a hole. Netta approaches Orwell with a gag. In the dream, Vince calls Orwell "Janie," and she realizes that Vince doesn't know her name, so it's a dream. Okay, so her actual name is "Janie" and Vince sometimes calls her "Julia." Dream-Vince tells her it's safer in the dream, but she wanders toward the door.

Vince kicks open a giant metal door. It's a children's room. There's chicken wire over the crib, but there are also toys around. So it's kind of a mixed bag, not that that's going to stop Max from flamboyantly passing judgment: "Ye gods. What kind of monster was raised here?" The Lich: "This kind." Oh, hey. It's the Lich, everybody.

Title Card: "'TIL DEATH DO US PEART." Wait. It actually says "PART." There isn't going to be a Rush cameo here. Vince and the Lich fight. Some goons also rush in to fight Max and Rollo. Max tells Rollo to take the two on the right. Rollo: "There's only two on the right!" He means there's only two, total. But there might be more. I don't know. As part of the fight, The Lich tells Vince that he can't feel pain. He demonstrates this by picking up a knife and cutting his hand open. Well, even if you can't feel pain, it still doesn't seem like a good idea to slice yourself open in the middle of a fight. And if you do, maybe you should hold onto the knife.

Netta calls Orwell a selfish little tramp. Orwell snaps to wakefulness and jabs the paralyzing poison into Netta's throat, saying "You want him? He's all yours." Then she slumps. Max finds an excuse to smoke-bomb in the middle of the fight, so he can make two goons bump into each other. Max thugs the last one out, telling him, "That's for Janet."

Vince uses the cape to grab an armoire on the other side of the room and tip it over onto The Lich. He then tells Max and Rollo to tie him up while he goes after "Julia." She's in the next room! Orwell comes back to consciousness and says something about Vince being there all along. He carries her out.

Dana gets home to the apartment. Trip has been sitting alone in the dark staring at the door. You know, as people do. He makes her admit that the Cape is real. He says he'll forgive her if she tells him everything that happened, and also orders pizza. Although it is ten o'clock, she agrees. She also agrees that the Cape is "pretty cool." Trip is just this side of declaring things to be "totally wizard."

Max has some kind of green hellebore concoction that killed Alexander the Great. It instantly cures Orwell, although she doesn't remember anything. Vince has a utility belt. That's not relevant; I just think it's neat. I wonder if he got the idea from Richard Schiff's character. Conrad is now locked up in Al Island prison, and Peter can't get to him. I guess. They've never explained just how these guys are getting installed in the prison without going through a trial or bothering the police about it. Dana, as a public defender, would probably not approve of this process. Max wants to know who Orwell is, and she says, "I'm Orwell." I mean, he didn't say "Who's Orwell?" He said, "Who is this?" and pointed to her. He was probably wondering why they were going to all that effort for her, I guess. He welcomes her to the Carnival of Crime and gives her some tea. She insists she's fine.

Twist! Although it's the real world, she still sees the white door. The music gets loud, and I think she says something just before it cuts out.

Recently on Mysterious Exhortations, Monty has been engaged in a crazy attempt to see every movie nominated for an Oscar this year. Spoiler: that's a lot of movies! Monty's Twitter account is @montykins. You can email him at if that's your idea of a good time.

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The Cape




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