More talk about Old-School Vegas at its finest. Get used to this, because it turns out there are exactly 1,052 synonyms for "sleazy, but in a Dean Martin way." The boys, a.k.a. Tom, talk about how they had $50 million of their own cash, and needed to convince Wall Street to risk -- I beg your pardon, "gamble" -- an additional $175 million on two Vegas rookies. I'm willing to "bet" that this was a pretty nerve-wracking experience, too, but I don't want to confuse myself by rating the nerve-wracking experiences by which Tom is constantly beset, because the editing is so ADD, it seems like all of these things are happening at the same time. As Tim and Tom walk into the Nugget, the music has a tiny little apoplexy. I yell, "Bank!" without even thinking.
But then we're back to the parking lot, which I now realize is the Gaming Commission lot and not, like, the mall, talking about how Tom's uncle was one denied a permit because of their family's alleged links to organized crime. He kind of blows my mind by telling Tim, "You know Vegas is a small town, so you know people," as if the Mob is so pervasive that his tiny little grandmother is on the take. Which is kind of a harsh indictment, especially coming from a native, and I thought that wasn't true anymore, anyway. Tim cutely pats weird, crazy, talkative Tom on the back, and tells him to "be confident," and "just tell [his] story." And I wonder what that would be like? Without the benefit of helpful visual aids, would the Gaming Commissionaires really understand what a stark difference lies between Julia Sweeney/Al Franken Kid Tom and new grown-up "Dice Town" Tom? Is he going to walk in there and start talking about how they are best friends and business partners some more? Is it going to go all Italo Calvino now? Will Bastian Balthazar Bux make an appearance? Stay tuned to find out, because first we need to see the opening credits.
To put it bluntly, the opening credits are weird. Everyone agrees on this but nobody can really pin down why. Like, for example, Queer Eye, the opening credits are weird because they live on "Gay" street and go to "Straight" street, and because the post-Queer Eyed Guys are rotoscoped and cartoony and creepy and don't have enough facial features. Here, it's nothing so simple. They don't go from "Website" Street to "Nugget" Street or anything. It's just a terribly strange, off-putting stew of the following elements: roulette wheels and showgirls and buildings, all spinning wildly, the two of them on the Strip in a convertible looking very "Dice Town," cards being shuffled, all that Vegas kitschy high-roller crap, and these sick soft-focus face shots that would not be out of place in the opening of a soap opera, or those 1-900 commercials where the girls are like, "Do you want to talk to me?"