Well, my stomach hurts, so it must be Monday, because that's when The Casino is on. For the time being. So you know how when you're at a party, and you don't really like the people at the party? And you get introduced to a bunch of them all at once, and they're all pretty uninteresting, if not downright uncouth? And maybe you find it hard to remember their names exactly? And you call someone the same name like fifty times -- let's just say for the purposes of dramatic reenactment you call them "Tom." And then at the end of the night, as you're saying your goodbyes, someone calls the guy -- who doesn't deserve a name, really, because he's a fake and a loser and says things like "Dice Town" -- someone calls this guy "Tim"? And you think to yourself, "Surely I heard someone else call him 'Tom' a few times. Is it possible that I heard people call him Tim over and over, and just didn't even hear it -- maybe because he is so repugnant even the facts about him are repelled from my brain with electromagnetic urgency?" And even though you hate the guy, and his stupid family Mob connections, and his ultra-boring borespeak, you kind of feel bad, but only because you hate to look stupid in front of people? This little story is all I have to say about situations like that, which can sometimes occur. Hypothetically.

On a completely different note, here's a little of what happened last week. Parental discretion was advised. Tim and Tom bought the historic Golden Nugget Hotel & Casino for a lot of "cheddar." Sadly, J. Lo took pictures of them having alleged Mob connections, so their gaming license is only conditional. They hired the incredible young crooner Matt "Velvet" Dusk, who promptly threw fifteen hissyfits due to artistic compromises he was forced to undergo at the hands of Entertainment Director Joe, the Veteran of Foreign and Very Angry Wars. Matt "Velvet" Dusk then fakely asked the camera if living and rocking the Golden Nugget were really his life's work, as though it could be anyone's.

The awful "Two Shots of Happy" song starts. Same stupid footage of The Apprentice: Las Vegas happens. The song is one million years long. It sounds less good the more times you hear it. Even less good. "What Happens in Vega...Stays in Vegas [sic]" (the weird onscreen cutoff of the lame catchphrase was later pointed out by the eagle-eyed nickelyse)...to which I would append "... unless you do it on TV and sign a waiver, and then it stays on, hovering right around a 3.85/6 share until somebody in Programming does something right."