He sings a line about "the hunter turns into the prey" and on hunter the camera jumps to the Swingers, and on prey it swings around to the Potential Swingers we're about to meet. God. Then it's awful because the sound level on the vocal goes down so we can hear Wife Swinger appreciate the Potential Swinger couple, then quickly back up as Matt "Velvet" Dusk sings the line "but the Black Widow's beauty will kill" and on kill there's six very fast shots and then an amateurish zoom into...kind of toward the left side of Virginia's cleavage and face, all between the words will and kill and it's quite dramatic and really poorly done. As we hear "the story of heartache begins," we focus on the girl part of the Potential Swingers couple, a pretty black girl who somehow simultaneously looks almost like Aisha Taylor and exactly like Reese Witherspoon. Okay, she's even wearing a baby-blue twinset. So Cruel Intentions, and I think they picked this girl so they (oh wait, this is reality TV)...isn't it lucky that this girl looks so much like Reese Witherspoon, I mean? Reese looks over "just as" Virginia licks something off her own finger, laughing, and then "immediately afterward" turns back to her husband, laughing. "What makes a man gamble all his love?" asks Matt "Velvet" Dark, as her husband, who has one million teeth and one million square miles of hair, grins directly at the Swingers. It's so great they caught this completely candid inter-couple (-triple) swinger flirting on tape. So lucky.

Oh, I get it. Even though it's not a swing era "original," we had to pretend it's swing, because they're swingers. I get it. That's...kind of sad. That's for people who think wrestling is real. Like how at the end of Showgirls Elizabeth Berkeley gets into a truck and leaves Las Vegas, just as how at the beginning she arrived in Vegas in a truck, and you're supposed to think to yourself, "Life is just a never-ending cycle, isn't it?" The song -- having accomplished something very small that manages to embarrass me, you, Matt "Velvet" Dusk, and the stars of every other show on FOX -- is blessedly over, and Tom finds his way to his feet so he can remember how to clap. Joe the Vet watches menacingly. Virginia leans over the Potential Swinger's table like she's about to ask if they smoke and how would they like a free pack of cigarettes, but instead she asks if they're married. They are, and their names are Maya and Chris. Virginia interview-cams that the Swingers "try to find the couples with the right vibe, and from there it's just a matter of getting them to join us." Makes sense. Maybe I don't know what the "right vibe" is, not being a freak, but if you cold-asked me whether Maya and Chris had a swinger vibe, I would guess no. I bet you could go your whole life never knowing if you had the "vibe" unless some porn orgy lady came up and told you so. God, do I have a swinger vibe? I sincerely doubt that. I have almost up to a spin-the-bottle vibe, maybe. Not hot. But neither are the Swingers, so...