See? Brief. So Virginia finally spills the beans that they are swingers, and she's been married to David fourteen years. I think it would be gorgeous if they started swinging seven years ago, right in the middle of their marriage, at the seven-year itch spot, because now they'll be coming up on Itch #2, and God knows where they'll go from there. No, make that: Up Chuck knows. So while Maya's hinting around that Chris is "into that" -- because even she knows it's always wife-swapping and one-guy threesomes and strictly male-defined -- Beverly and David are discussing whether Maya is freaky or conservative. Beverly looks like Tawny Kitaen plus Tori Amos. It's freaky as a combo, but perfect for this. Bumper out to commercial where we see Kristin cramming yet more of Geoff's money into her horrible purse when he's not looking, and for a second they almost fool me into thinking something cool is going to happen. My bad.
The Trash Heap plays blackjack and lose a lot of money. We watch as the numbers of lost money get higher and higher. It's boring. Tommy tells us the "shoe gets real streaky," which sounds superstitious but I guess I believe it. Especially now, since this is "reality" and all. We'll just say that they are down a number, and then another number, ad infinitum, and then Bryan and Kristin both get really nervous because Geoff is, after all, their Anna Nicole. Remoras. So he gets up and leaves the table when he's down like $60,000. Kristin screams, "He left! We can take his money. Isn't that great?" Then she leans over and totally takes a bunch of money. Just like that! I thought she was kidding! She interviews that sometimes she "tend[s] to take some of his money," you know, as one does, and "like, hide it in [my] purse" -- man, this shitty purse is like Story C -- "so it doesn't end up at the casino, as a deposit." That's right, just in your purse, as trick money. Way better. Unbelievable. I'd like to think that if I were friends with a lonely gross hella-rich guy I'd resist the urge to steal wads of cash from him when he's not looking. That's not friendship, people. She tells us she's not "stealing," just trying to take care of him. Back at Tommy's blackjack table, however, Geoff looks suspiciously at her purse, and asks, "What's that?" And she replies, "Nothing. I love you," with this sad, like, pursed-mouth face to go with his enpursed money. It's amazing. This chick is balls out. What if when they'd caught Lee Harvey Oswald he'd just pouted and said, "This? Nothing. I wuv you." Drunk and I think on something, and down a bajillion dollars, he kind of ignores her, like you should always do when people baby-talk like that (especially after stealing like three or four thousand dollars while you're in the can), and she gets even more incredible: "I'm not feeling the love all of a sudden." Kristin's tits take off for "the bathroom," but the eagle eyes of Mark Burnett's camera zero in on...the purse! And then she's lost to the skinny route.
Virginia tells Maya and Chris that they seemed open-minded when she and her dark brethren were watching them from across the bar -- and again, how can you tell someone is open-minded just by looking at them, please? ["and in contexts like this, 'open-minded' means 'unable to resist peer pressure or set boundaries,' and the people who use that term are totally counting on you not to want to disappoint them; oldest trick in the book" -- Sars] -- and then it's weird because she's talking in that way that Pampered Chef people talk, telling them her pitch for some ungodly thing called "Blush Party." (Is that like a rush party? Because those are never orgies. Sad, really. Well, I'll ask Jason.) "It's for couples: sometimes they just talk, sometimes they have sex, sometimes they just like to watch..." Maya and Chris are very WTF here, fakely enough. Okay, but why is that for couples? Why do we need you and your freaky buddies? Sometimes couples talk without your help. Sometimes couples have sex without your help. I guess it's the watching and eventual joining in part that makes it special. Then Virginia pulls out an actual card for them. It looks like those cards for different clubs that they hand you at night on the street, but with a bunch of boobies. Swinger David says some stuff about how the women -- eventually -- get to choose the men they want to fuck, and how interesting it is "to see how the husbands react." You mean, once they realize you and the one other dude totally don't want them there? I imagine they feel unwelcome, David. You assclown.