The Casino
Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
Eyes Why Me: They're Destroying Love

Maya gets awesome: "Like, who just goes up to somebody in a restaurant and is like, Hey, we want to fuck you? That's just weird." Chris laughs uncomfortably, like, "So we're not going, then?" She's like, "I just think it's weird." He goes -- for real -- he goes, "I'm just saying, you seem interested, so I'm willing to..." and whatever is going to come out of his mouth is going to be so fuckwitted ("...let you explore your slutty side, because I love you, and that's what husbands do, no matter how pure my romantic and powerful love for you is, and has always been. I will stay by your side, even unto the depths of Blush Party and beyond, and no matter how many sweaty teabags you get or how many fake hard giant titties I caress, you'll still be the only woman I can see," perhaps) that she doesn't even let him finish, just rolls right over him, agreeing that, "I'm not saying I'm not interested, it's just a little weird." Maya's kind of drunk here, maybe Chris too. She's slurring worse. Still utterly adorable, though. Chris wants to focus on how "at least [they] got compliments," and Maya walks him down that road with his hand in hers: "We did get compliments, but see, they're just giving us compliments so we'll go to their little sex party." I love her.

He smiles at her creepily and questioningly for a microsecond, like he's asking if he can stick his tongue in her ear on the first date or something, and she rapidly if hesitantly changes course. "Is that something you' into? Or..." He gets kind of snarky about how totally not fun it would be to fuck two chicks, how much that would totally suck. He's going for sardonic, but his face is kind of swarthy anyway, and he's wearing a kerchief doo-rag, and it's all too much and he just seems kind of drunk and weird. The whole time he's saying that she's laughing about how he's "such a punk," and it's cute. It's awesome how utterly fun-married these people are. At this table. Before we go any further. They seem like a great couple. "Could you see yourself doing something like that?" asks Maya, and Chris gives the fucking excellent answer: "I could see myself checking it out...on a website," to which she responds that he is a pervert. I actually feel, having watched this scene about six times already (yes, send donations to "Promises" in my name, I'm sure I'll be there by this time next week), that they're kind of daring each other: by asking him over and over, she's giving him the okay, and by denying it over and over but not quite, he's giving her the same, so they kind of feedback off each other in a cute, married, boring, funny way.

The incredibly fucked-up Trash Heap, minus the now-much-enriched Kristin, can barely stand up at the blackjack table, and they're continuing to bet. It's never good when you can count more cocktails on the table than there are people at the table. Up in Surveillance, Tom points to the monitor. And everyone applauds: Tom has located the monitor. "Where's your nose? Where's your nose, Tom? Who's got your nose?" Everyone is making total fun of the Trash Heap and how they've managed to lose $50,000 in a single hour. God, they must be totally retarded. I can't believe any "shoe" could ever get that "streaky." Go back to Riverside, you bitches! They drunkenly try to figure things out. Tom makes his way down to the blackjack table, eyes, as usual, at half-mast, to introduce himself, just as Bryan and the other guy are yelling at Geoff for requesting another $10,000 marker twenty minutes before dinner and overriding them with Tommy Sunstrum after they said he was out. Tom struggles to interview to us without falling over or falling asleep that the Nugget is "out to make money," but that when the "customer loses his shirt, he may never come back." Tom, if Geoff Mills loses his shirt? No one will ever come back. The Nugget will be deader than your Percocet stare. He gazes at -- make that towards -- them and mumbles something to the effect of, "Why don't you get away from here and sober up and have something to eat," but he sounds like a sleepy eight-year-old babbling and offering to show you his comics. "You guys, you want some...steaknlobster? I'll...I'll set up a...I'll set up a table for you guys at...uh...table at...uh...table for you at Zax, for you. Guys."

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The Casino




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