The Casino
Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
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Eyes Why Me: They're Destroying Love

And oh, they start in right away. I guess it was code, after all...for "meth." Geoff Mills is a big guy, tall and tubby in that football-player-ten-years-later way. I don't know if they have these outside of Texas, but he looks like that Texas Guy: goatee, blonde hair, tubby little face, piggy little eyes. Would not look out of place in a cowboy hat, although he ultimately fails muster, in that his hair is bleached and he's wearing his shirt open at the collarbone to reveal his pasty, sweaty skin. He's even got a Dallas Chick with him: Kristin, too-tight shirt with some girl coming out of it, cowboy hat in hand, gross too-tight pants, hair long and boring and probably with weird stripes in it. Remember Miss Kelly Independent when she was just a girl from the Dallas area with a promising voice, and her hair had those weird stripes in it? You see those a lot in the Dallas area. Highlights + Lowlights = Death. Tubby little face, piggy little eyes. Geoff's brother Bryan, "High Roller," is wearing a slimming striped shirt but still has, as Sars delicately pointed out, minor man-boobs, has bleached hair as well, and may be even more of a toolbox than his brother. Tubby little face, piggy little eyes. Some brown-haired dude in leisurewear and an almost-mullet and a Where's the crawdads at, Paw? kind of overbite. I don't even know who that guy is. It doesn't matter. Both brothers are wearing sunglasses, although it is late evening. Promise me you won't do that, okay?

Gambler Betty Kristin's two-inch-long French-manicured nails grip a lowball glass in the limousine. Yeah, I said it. We're heading to the Nugget, and sadly, the Nugget wants them there. Last week there was Buffalo Bill-esque Up Chuck and an entire hockey team's worth of twisted adolescent sexuality, and yet this episode I think might do more damage to the Nugget reservations queue. These people, my God. Brother Trash Heap Bryan is laughing about how the Golden Nugget is the "denture of the week" club, and how not a single limo is headed toward Downtown, because everyone's going to the Strip. Two things here: One, he keeps calling his brother "Mills," which is weird, because his name also is Mills. Bryan Mills. Maybe he felt estranged from his big brother growing up and ended up calling him what Geoff's teammates did, and just lived in Geoff's shadow forever, like all the people in Varsity Blues. Oh, Brother Trash Heap, you are the wind beneath the trash heap.

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The Casino

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