The Casino
Episode 2

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
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Eyes Why Me: They're Destroying Love

Oh, I get it. Even though it's not a swing era "original," we had to pretend it's swing, because they're swingers. I get it. That's...kind of sad. That's for people who think wrestling is real. Like how at the end of Showgirls Elizabeth Berkeley gets into a truck and leaves Las Vegas, just as how at the beginning she arrived in Vegas in a truck, and you're supposed to think to yourself, "Life is just a never-ending cycle, isn't it?" The song -- having accomplished something very small that manages to embarrass me, you, Matt "Velvet" Dusk, and the stars of every other show on FOX -- is blessedly over, and Tom finds his way to his feet so he can remember how to clap. Joe the Vet watches menacingly. Virginia leans over the Potential Swinger's table like she's about to ask if they smoke and how would they like a free pack of cigarettes, but instead she asks if they're married. They are, and their names are Maya and Chris. Virginia interview-cams that the Swingers "try to find the couples with the right vibe, and from there it's just a matter of getting them to join us." Makes sense. Maybe I don't know what the "right vibe" is, not being a freak, but if you cold-asked me whether Maya and Chris had a swinger vibe, I would guess no. I bet you could go your whole life never knowing if you had the "vibe" unless some porn orgy lady came up and told you so. God, do I have a swinger vibe? I sincerely doubt that. I have almost up to a spin-the-bottle vibe, maybe. Not hot. But neither are the Swingers, so...

Maya laughs deeply when Virginia points out her "husband and [their] girlfriend," and fakely says, "You let your husband have a girlfriend?" still chortling. Well, that's just crazy, sweetie! Welcome to Vegas, I guess, huh? Virginia, instead of clarifying that she's a big dumb bisexual pervert with an inky past and the dominatrix name "Juicebox" (tm Maria Bamford), simply says, "We're an open-minded couple." Meaning, okay, quickly? Briefly? This is the same issue I had as last week, namely that Vegas seems to be all about pretending you want to have sex when really you don't. I can no more muster up belief in these people's swingin' lifestyle than I could Rob's begging for "the real thing" from that whore last week. How can the sex that you have with your body get so overruled by the identity that you have only in your mind? Your sexuality should add to your identity, not be dictated by it (or vice versa, on another topic). That's why these types of swingers are always girl-girl-guy, because it's still all about the guy, and men in general. Ladies, if you fuck a girl or even kiss one and you don't want to, and if you wouldn't do it if there was nobody around, quit before you even get started and then consider your motivations, real hard.

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The Casino

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