Sssh. Ernie's "talking": "And what you do is like, for example, you, you like, provide them to use the expression 'arm candy'?" In case you don't understand -- not the sentence, of course, which doesn't understand itself, but the term he's just used -- Jenn explains in interview what Arm Candy means. I'm not going to, because I respect your intelligence, unlike Mark Burnett. Ernie is like those emails with the gibberish. Jenn immediately gets herself a drink, that's how comfortable she feels. Now, if you honestly fucking think -- and I will slap you if you do -- that you can retire at 25 being only Arm Candy, I would think that you would avoid liquor in order to keep your wits about you, on the off chance that arms stop being enough. On the other hand, if you see where this is inevitably headed, as you do if you are not Jenn or damaged in some other way, maybe you would think to just start getting drunk now so you won't remember the rest of the night. Or maybe she's just nervous. Or maybe that shot of her with a drink in her hand was taken wildly out of context because they needed a shot of Jenn, you know, walking without playing on her time-traveling cell phone.
She makes her way to the table where her date "Steve" is sitting. Is it still a "date" if you're just Arm Candy? Why bother, the whole division is fantastical anyway. Steve doesn't seem like a bad guy, just the kind of guy who pays for sex. He's not even too bad-looking: chubby Texan type with plaid shirt buttoned down to here and a great big black cowboy hat. I'm going to have to draw a line between this Steve and the Pit Boss Steve that's on shift right now. Amazingly, John-Steve's at Lesbian Dealer Lady's table. I would say credibility might be strained by this, but come on. Lesbian Dealer Lady could be played by Paula Poundstone with sixteen neglected kids tied up behind the card table and a microphone coming out of her forehead and we'd be asked to believe it was "reality," so I say go on ahead. Once you decide to pretend this isn't so much "reality" TV, and start thinking of it as a particularly bad episode of Angel, it goes down a lot easier. (I was going to come up with something crude about Monique here, but I couldn't think of anything, so I'm just sending sexual harassment vibes in her direction.) In keeping with that theory, that life is a bad episode of some fantasy series, Jenn talks about how being Arm Candy is so totally not prostitution? How it's nothing like that? How the "Arm Candy" and escorting industry is totally real, and "independent V.I.P. hosting" is the next big thing? That would be so cool if it were true. I would love to sell myself as a fabulous and winning personality that can drink you under the table and talk to you about, like, your problems. I would get bored so fast, I think, but it's a nice dream job. So Jenn describes the wonderful world of make-believe for us in detail: It's all about "hanging out with them and keeping them company" and the best, very best, awesomest part: "They have money, so they give it you if you hang out with them." How cool is that? She believes what she is saying! I'll repeat it for you: "They have money, so they give it you if you hang out with them."