The Casino
Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
All Bad Things

As Matt "Velvet" Dusk sings, "I've found a miracle," Jenn leans over to Tom and whispers, "Oh, I'd love to do that." Eager that someone has finally joined him in the charming, if unrealistic, village of Those Totally Off Our Nut, he asks Tim, "Who's in charge of that?" and we here in the Steve Wynn Suite clink our glasses together warmly, because we know. Joe the Vet, how we have missed you. He shoots an entire wad, which zings and pings around the glassware and walls of Zax like a high-speed cartoon character, at the opportunity to mess with Matt "Velvet" Dusk's mind some more. He finger-shoots the Tim and Tom Connection with a "You got it," simply the essence of cool as he runs off to work out some of his bizarro rage and hatred on our hero. Matt "Velvet" Dusk, high on performance, is afforded an easy five seconds of happiness behind the closing curtains before Joe the Vet runs up, tongue hanging out with glee at what he's about to perpetrate. Joe has "a real distinct feeling" that the Tim and Tom Connection are going to want "the young lady" sitting with them to come up and sing with the band. "I just wanted to come up and give you a heads-up," he giggles, wriggling like a puppy on Ecstasy. Vile, horrible man. Not for who he is, or because it's Matt "Velvet" Dusk he gets to abuse, but for the simple joy he takes in screwing these guys over like this, night after night. Maybe he'll fuck up Jenn's name too, like he did Elaine/Lorraine Hunt, and introduce her as "Lynn" or "Brynn" Nelson. Since he's a dickwad and all.

Matt "Velvet" Dusk, aghast: "I guarantee you, she won't be able to sing." You know, it's one thing when characters on a scripted show call attention to the clichés and contrivances of the show itself -- on the rare occasions it's done well, it can be very satisfying -- but there's something depressing when it happens on a reality show. "This girl from the sticks who's here to make her big break and whose breasts have made friends with the club's owners wants to sing? That's going to be bad news. Why don't you know that?" Joe the Vet responds that, again, quality of performance is the very last criteria to be considered in a Vegas show. And again, Matt "Velvet" Dusk literally does not hear the words that Joe is saying, the words that are going into his earholes, and basically decides that by dint of their psychic powers, the audience -- who flock to Zax, flock to Vegas herself, for the express purpose of hearing his own dulcet melodies -- will somehow know that the Tim and Tom Connection are expressly to blame when Jenn Nelson breaks their hearts and souls with her tuneless lack of ability or self-awareness. Because the last thing Matt "Velvet" Dusk needs -- Matt "Velvet" Dusk, the lounge singer at the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino, whose CD is hawked at the end of every episode of what will go down in history as the worst reality TV series ever aired that doesn't feature gay dudes or midgets looking for love -- is any kind of blow to his artistic integrity.

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The Casino




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