The Casino
Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
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All Bad Things

Tommy is simply walking through the casino, minding his own business and singing that Goofy "Oh, the world owes me a livin'" song, when Monique spots him and calls out, "Hey Tommy!" Admittedly, this next bit is regrettable, but I can see how it is probably a pained attempt at being breezy and jocular. There are some mice you can shock a thousand times and they'll still head straight for the red pellet, you know? "How you doing, woman? Everything going well?" He keeps walking, because she is toxic, and she lets him get a little bit away before screaming as though he's walking directly away from her, instead of simply continuing on his trajectory, "Tommy, get over here!" Like he's the asshole who didn't stop for a professional conversation with her, even though she gave no indication such a conversation would be taking place.Sars nailed it earlier this week, comparing Monique to the Utter Bitch Australian Hostess from the last season of The Restaurant. They both send gift-wrapped baskets of rope to your house with which to hang yourself. They fondle your trigger, then they blame your gun. They do the things they say are up to you, and then accuse you of trying to fuck it up. They lead you down complicated Tarantino linguistic pathways about whether you think they are or are not a bitch, knowing all the time they're going to beat you up regardless. Lesbian Dealer Lady looks on, unhappy but disinterested: Monique, too, has a job to do. That of being a windbag bitch. "What do you want, Monique?" Nothing, really, I'm just kind of bored. Anyway, nothing I can't get from my kids when I go home to abuse them right after this shift.

"First of all, I'm not your woman." Agreed, and thankfully so. "I'm Monique." And I am here to fuck you up! "And second of all -- hello?" she interrupts herself. "I'm right here, Tommy. Second of all, you need to have eye contact." Oh are we really? Your free-floating insecurity finally focused on his lack of eye contact? That's the best you can do? All of a sudden we're in a meeting with a Pit Boss, and yeah, we've settled on the eye contact thing. The bottom of the barrel starts to give way with all this constant scraping. "We're talking about communication skills here, and in my opinion, Tommy lacks them. And I'm not trying to sound insulting, okay?" Um, okay. I'm not saying he's blameless, and it would be hard to now as Tommy starts laughing hysterically and angrily and not unlike a donkey, but seriously, this part is edited so weirdly and poorly that if you assembled a crack forensics team of Vincent D'Onofrio, Kate Jackson, Marg Helgenberger, and Gillian Anderson, they would not be able to figure out what really happened here. "He never shuts up," says the Pit Boss guy. Tommy has completely lost it and is gabbling and laughing like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys. "It may sound offensive to Monique how I talk to her," he interviews, although I don't see how that could be true, "but I just do it all in fun. She just doesn't see the humor, and no matter what I do, she'll always have it out for me." Even though he's totally not selling his case here, I know I'm right about the situation, so I'm on his side. Back at the O.K. Corral, she's still flipping out about how his eye-contact problem hurts her feelings. Okay? Hurts her feelings? This is a casino! You're not allowed to bitch if it hurts your kneecaps! "You look away, and look up, and look around..."

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The Casino

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