The Casino
Episode 3

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
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All Bad Things

Jenn now makes the fatal mistake of telling John-Steve and his John-buddies that she's there because she needs money. This is what's known in Vegas as "advertising yourself as a whore," while also insulting your client. Lesbian Dealer Lady makes with the utterly radical Camille Paglia sociology analysis now, and shoots to the top of my "Favorite People on This Show" List: "Some girls go to the dark side, because maybe they need, desire, that attention. Some girls don't desire it, they don't need it. Everyone's different." So far, so good. "The problem is, there's nothing I can do. I Just...Deal The Cards." This is so awesome, and I can't really describe to you the tone of voice she's using here, but it makes it so much better. It's a combination of wisdom and that shruggy "what can you do" thing she did earlier. It's all very academic, for Lesbian Dealer Lady, who has seen it all. She's seen it, and judged it silently, and continued plugging away at her job, because at the end of the day, you can't save them all. She's like a disenfranchised superhero who's lost her will to fight, and now just...Deals The Cards. I would like to rent her as my Arm Candy.

Tim finally notices Ernie -- it's been, I think, a week at this point -- and the Brides, and starts hurtling around like he does. Jenn burns herself lighting John-Steve's cigar, prompting her to tell him she has "virgin fingers" and then hold them under his nose to sniff. That's the most disturbing part of the entire episode. The last two weeks, this moment was hard to pin down, although both times it was about the time that the fountains or champagne or slots tokens started shooting into the air, but this week it's easy. "I'm totally not a prostitute, but could you sniff my virgin fingers?" For the third week in a row, I am confronted with a moment that is somehow vulgar and sexual, but in a new way I'd never heard of before. I've had this feeling before, that there are rooms in the House of Sex that God says I'm not allowed to know about, but until now it always had to do with that weird Japanese sex bullshit. Which kind of underlines my long-time belief that Las Vegas is just a closer, grosser Tokyo.

Tim takes Steve (the Pit Boss, not the John) aside, and directs his attention to D'Hoffryn and the Brides. Boss-Steve doesn't recognize them, so Tim calls surveillance and points them out to the guys upstairs: "Can you find out anything?" And the boys all but say, Once again, Tim, you're a moron. "He's pretty well known. He's actually a 'V.I.P. Host.'" Tim laughs disgustingly, because he's paid for upwards of 35 percent of the sex that, say, Up Chuck has -- which is still a whole lot more than you have, or of course your humble recapper has. "I think we all know what that means! Call Security and escort them out." Which is a funny choice of words. "Escort," I mean. John-Steve says to Jenn, "You staying here in the mo-tel [sic]? Well, let's just go up to the room and let's party. Let's just do that, yeah. Get some stuff to drink..." Jenn loses her grasp on things because they have gotten out of hand. "I don't go up to the room," she says verbatim, implying she's still taking the edge off this first foray into Arm Candyland. "I just met you!" she slurs. John-Steve's friends are openly laughing at him now because he's totally trying to pull a hooker on TV. He slides some money over to her anyway. "Take that and do whatever you want to do, darlin'. Go around the world, whatever you want to do." She shakes her head, ruefully smiling as if she too has seen it all -- as if she too Just Deals the Cards. She's practically aghast and it makes her cool as she delivers a little speech. "Steve: I'm not that kind of girl that goes up to your room." John-Steve awesomely asks, "What do you want to do?" And she lamely answers, "I want to have a good time. That's what I'm doing." John-Steve is dogged: "Give me a kiss." He pulls her in and she slur-mumbles, "No. I'm taking offense to that. That's like --" John-Steve, still with the death-grip, asks, "How are you taking offense to that?" She looks into his eyes silently like they're breaking up, shakes her head a little, and then stands up and walks out. He looks ashamed of himself. WHY?

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The Casino

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