The Casino
Episode 4

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Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now!
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In a Theme Park Future, Parents Love Their Children

Tommy -- gleefully, I admit -- points out in an interview that Monique has been at the casino twelve years, while he's been there five months, and if he gets a job as a host he'll "leapfrog right over her." Which would be totally true, except you're not going to be a host for quite a while regardless. Dream big, Li'l Tommy. "Cool," she says, pissed as all get out. Weirdly defensive, and not disengaging like he should at this point, Tommy holds out an olive branch of sorts, a white flag with "Fuck off" written so small on it you can barely see it. "I know I'm a little too young for this." "Ya think?" snits Monique. "How many 23-year-old hosts do you know?" She spits out the word "None" like it's the type of poison she just slipped in his drink, or the number of her family members screwed by Enron. Like she's saying "checkmate." "I mean, all in all, she's still my boss," philosophizes Tommy, "and I guess I have to respect her" -- wait for it -- "because...I still don't know if I'm going to get this job." Heh. "But I love the fact that Monique is so jealous." Me too. Because, see, if she's not going to do her job? Managing him like an adult with self-esteem and the use of reason? The next best thing would be to let him self-destruct. I mean professionally. But you can't, and I can see you staring at Tommy. Luckily -- for you, Monique -- he's fucking up two shots of royally, because he can't concentrate due to the host stuff, and John his father and the current Pit Boss have to step in. He's dealt cards to people that aren't even in the game. Ouch. Monique makes that oh boy face I hate so damned much, where she attempts to make the face in all directions simultaneously so you will see her and be like, "I know, right? You're so right about everything all the time. Let's set Tommy Sunstrum on fire!"

Eulisha and her friend go to work out, StairMaster in fact, and boring friend Joan notices Justine the Psychic. She looks like the most boring, nice girl ever. In addition to being dangerously deluded or a total huckster. "Oh my goodness, that is a cute shirt," Joan fake-fake-fakes. She looks at the t-shirt Justine's wearing, which is not cute, but does have the words "psychic girl" written on it in about a size-6 font that's barely readable. "What is that, 'psychic girl'? Are you psychic?" No. "Yes." You can tell Eulisha's excited about this because her face is excited, and because she screams, "I'm very excited! I'm very, very excited!" Eulisha then interviews that she was very excited. Justine fakes that she never just meets someone and then runs immediately to do a reading, but luckily (for Mark Burnett!), Eulisha is "very sweet." Eulisha starts shrieking, as if she's excited. She's really very pretty in this scene. The three of them meet, now wearing bathrobes, you see, at a reading area outside the spa. Psychic Girl says, "Actually, your guides come in here, and communicate with my guides." Like Fodor's? Like Sacagawea? Like what the fuck? Eulisha's eyes are huge, like, "Really?" No, Eulisha. Of course not.

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The Casino

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