The Casino
Episode 4

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Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now!
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In a Theme Park Future, Parents Love Their Children

Then Psychic Girl's all of a sudden plugged in and makes that noise a fax machine makes. Not really, but that would be cool. What would Eulisha like her to "look at?" "First of all, let's get the gambling out of the way," Eulisha says, like it's just so trivial and vulgar and hardly worth mentioning, like when you start wondering when your first paycheck's coming at your new job, but can't bring yourself to ask. Because your first few weeks on the job, everyone is under the impression that you are an oil baron's heir, and you cannot disabuse them of this notion. Justine sees the numbers four and seven, and the game? Roulette. Lucky! "It was very exciting," Eulisha points out again. But can she pay off Porschina de la Quince? Yes, says Psychic Girl, but not immediately. Eulisha also exposits now that she sings on the side. Justine sees that it might succeed...but not immediately. Note the pattern here: probably you'll be happy one day, but I'm going to be out of the country by then. Justine then "sees" a "New York connection" w/r/t Eulisha's singing. But not immediately. Eulisha laughs in an interview that she might change careers, to singing. And then she laughs some more. Dude, I hope she can sing.

Tom -- of the Tim and Tom Bukkake -- is practice-putting golf balls into a large plaster dog's area. If you have a large dog in your office, it's over. Okay? There's more of that stupid money talk, and Tim wants his money, and it's stupid, and Tim wants his money. And it's stupid. Tom sends some random kid over to Tim's desk with a little bit of money as a "down payment." This is seriously their whole deal this week. Cars and Tim wants money. And it's stupid. Tim interviews that Tom "squeezes a quarter 'til the eagle screams." Really, though? It's all an excuse to talk about how rich they both are, because $5000 is chump change and blah blah, and it's ugly. They are both gross.

Brian, of the boring family in Story B, has fully brought a plastic roulette wheel and board to the hotel with him. That might be the saddest thing I've ever...nope. ["That…didn't come with the room? Because I thought it came with the room. Wow. I have to go lie down now." -- Sars] He tells his wife to "always bet on black." He -- and this is important -- tells her that she is bad luck because his fake roulette board is cheating him out of fake money. Their kids are so totally adorable. Elder son asks, almost seriously, if Brian honestly thinks that playing "like this" is going to get them anywhere near Disneyland. The first time through, I actually could not process the fact that Brian didn't have Disneyland money saved up, and so a lot of this storyline didn't make sense to me. It was sad when I figured it out. And his reply to this very astute question? "We're going to buy Disneyland." Wow, he is doing a number on these kids. I hate him and his selfish ass and his wife-abusing superstition and his hateful nature. Mommy finishes her drink and they leave to go win some Disneyland money. Honestly, I kind of hope they experience elevator failure and those kids can get some good parents. The kids immediately call room service and order a bunch of stuff that is not Atkins-friendly.

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The Casino

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