The Casino
Episode 4

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Jacob Clifton: C- | Grade It Now!
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In a Theme Park Future, Parents Love Their Children

Downstairs, the Bad Parents wander around and ask specifically for a number of single-dollar chips. And thus Disneyland will be theirs. He again says the "always bet on black" bullshit. God makes it land on red. Then Eulisha and Joan sit down at the same table. My phone rings, it's my best buddy Will: "The Casino is making me so mad." "I know. I love sassy black women, don't you? Especially superstitious ones." Brian's wife yells, "Eulisha!" meaning it's true, and all black people know each other. The wheel lands on 4 -- Eulisha's lucky number! She screams her ass off. Will calls again: "Why are all the people at that table black?" "It's like Big Block of Cheese Day -- this is the only time black people are allowed into Vegas, I think."

Eulisha screams about "her psychic" and Mrs. Boring Bad Parent is all about it. Eulisha continues to win, and then screams again because Psychic Girl is walking by. Brian makes two shots of ass of himself by making a bitter kind of fun of Eulisha and jumping around waving his hands about. Psychic Girl tells us how apparently the Charmed rules apply here, and she can't -- and I fucking quote -- "give herself gambling advice." Uh huh. Brian tells us he would never talk to a psychic, and then totally asks her for a reading. Will calls. "Just go find her on the treadmill! I'm so sure. 'Uh, since the cameras are with you...I guess I could do a reading..." "You know, since FOX clearly paid my way here so I would do just this thing."

The kids are now playing pretend roulette. Cute but kind of scary, considering how their father is about the gambling. Room service arrives with a cart full of sugar high, and the kids pig out. They are so cute. Elder son decides they need to dispose of the evidence, but since their father won't be paying the bill, as if he could, they don't mean the bill. They mean the cart. "It's not nice to sneak, right?" whispers the Younger. Adorable. "Well," Elder says, channeling his horrible father, "in some cases, it is." They walk the cart down the hall with some wacky goddamned music, and leave it in a random elevator. Down on the lobby level, some bellhop guy sees the cart in the elevator and turns away disgustedly, as though it's just the worst thing. It's very Tata from American Casino, and I want to say right here that I thought he was wonderful, a really interesting and funny guy, and I'm sorry that he's gone.

Host John tells his Sonstrum that he should work with someone else during this off-hours internship. He is going to hand him over to another host, Steve Gray -- the man they call Gray Dog. I think he was the one I kept getting confused last week with the dirty cowboy guy, and called Host-Steve. Monique watches all of this creepily as John hands Tommy over. This drunk cowboy starts screaming into the camera, and it's awesome. And it's the guy from last week! The one I just mentioned! The one that wanted to pay Jenn for sex because she was a hooker, and then got confused when she yelled about it. He's back! John-Steve! Awesome. I love John-Steve so much! And ladies? Something tells me he's single! Right now he is drunk as shit, and hilarious and loud and repetitive and can't get a single sentence out without laughing hysterically. He can't even move the chips around, also known as "betting," without causing a small apocalypse. Will calls, and I answer with "Cowboy Hat guy was on last week too, trying to fuck that girl."

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The Casino

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