Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
We return to Whitney and Erin kibitzing at Whitney's place. Whitney has taken on Lauren's former habit of hanging up clothes so that it seems like the camera crews are just catching her doing chores, as opposed to coming over explicitly to capture pre-planned footage. Both girls whine about their impossible boy situations. Erin's man is too committed. Whitney's man isn't committed enough. It's a veritable fruit salad of boy troubles, if said fruit salad contains only apples and oranges... like, only really rotten, tiny, stupid ones.
In the meanwhile, Erin reveals that she has never had a relationship that wasn't long-distance. Wow. Whitney continues riffing on Jay's mixed signals but also her strong attraction to him. Like the fact that they can actually have a conversation. Big stuff, y'all. Erin persists in doling out vague, semi-unsound relationship advice. Whitney finally gets to the crux of the problem: She just wants to know what Jay is thinking. Both girls agree that he should man up, then Whitney takes a dramatic nosedive into her bed.
Elsewhere, Jay hangs out with his roommate at Il Bastardo. Appropriate. Guess what/who he's grousing about. Three points if your guess rhymes with Shit-knee! He admits that he is still playing games with Whitney with the whole notion of labels, etc. He is contemplating the merits of "nailing [her] down." Unsurprisingly, A-hole Adam doesn't support this idea. Bros before hos! Ugh. Jay admits that he has reached the magical (and arbitrary) three-month time limit he sets for relationships, and now it's time for things with Whitney to go somewhere or go nowhere. Not to mention those other guys she's been parading around him. God, these tools are easy. A-hole starts rambling about how girls are so shady, but Jay counters and says Whitney's a good girl. Still, he looks positively pained when he realizes out loud that she's a "keep-uh." Geez, I hope my boyfriend was that enthusiastic when he decided to make things exclusive with me. Yikes.
That night, Jay comes over the Whitney's apartment. She is all hotsy-totsied up in a cutely blousy red mini-dress. She's got the candles out and everything -- it's almost as if she knew tonight's conversation would be important! Jay cuts short Whitney's crucial conversation with herself about shoes to have the conversation. She clacks over, and he takes a few slugs before saying goodbye to his balls. He takes her in his arms and mentions their romantic (and arbitrary) three-month status and suggests that they take things to the next level. A broad smile spreads across Whitney's face as he cops that now she'll be his guhhhhlfriend. They laugh at what a production this is, then chat about their romantic histories. They uncover Fate's master stroke -- this is both of their third relationships. OMG, it's totally fate! They probably both like soup, too. And talking... or not talking. They could probably talk or not talk for hours.