The Contender

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
Zucker Said Knock You Out

CUT TO: East locker room. Ahmed, cocky as usual. "We had them. We lost focus for one second," says Peter, dancing around the issue that Catholic Jimmy then camera-talks about, saying that Ahmed forgot the numbers and that's why they lost. Peter continues to bob and weave, saying that all mistakes are learning experiences and blah blah blah you-lost-cakes. Peters hypothesizes that this is just going to make them "more hungrier." And then more thirstier, too? For Gatorade?

West. Ishe gets all Gipper, The Confused Latter Years on them, giving a big speech about how some of them have been cheated by promoters and some are young and some are experienced and everyone deserves a chance to fight and they'll take all that into account when picking. That made sense somewhere in his brain -- the part that isn't punch-drunk. Ishe continues to talk about teamwork, which is not something that boxers usually ever talk about. Miguel camera-talks that they decided to pit their least experienced fighter against the East's least experienced. So they all choose…some guy. Can't figure out which one this is. They all decide he should go up against small Boston Jeff. Ah, he's Joey. Joey of the West against Jeff. So the fight is supposed to be tomorrow, but I'm going to assume this isn't the same day as the challenge; it doesn't make sense to tire the fighters out with that hellish run and then have them fight the next day. But who knows, with the magic power of television. This could be three years later! These could all be CGI characters developed by Pixar (Sly sure looks like it these days). We're just going to have to trust. Joey is clearly rattled, and Alfonso picks up on it and lays a bomb. "I was thinking if he didn't want to fight, I'd take on Peter tomorrow." The fighters react with surprise -- or the guys locked in some editing catacomb up near the Sherman Oaks Galleria or down near LAX decide to make it look like they're surprised. Sergio camera-talks that Peter is one of the East's stronger fighters while Alfonso is one of their weakest fighters, so that doesn't make sense to him. Alfonso says, "I can beat him." Alfonso camera-talks about how everyone doubts him always but they never know what they're up against. He's a gambler, he says. Alfonso is very calm and straightforward and confident but without the bluster of some of the others. Alfonso is hard not to like…though this is reality television, so I'm sure he'll reveal some hidden tool-y side before long. So Ishe tells the baffled group that they should trust him, that Alfonso can fight. Joey is totally repeating over and over in his head, "Please don't make me fight. Please don't make me fight. Please don't make me fight." And his pee-in-pants fear has worked, because it seems the group is going to agree. Alfonso has balls, y'all. Big broken-nosed Mexican underdog balls. (Gross.)

Ring. The fighters arrive back in the main gym area from upstairs. Sly and Sugar Ray are waiting. Sly wants the West's choice to come up and "toe the line." Alfonso stands up at the "line." Dramatic music. Dramatic music taken from Stock Reality Music CD #4, a really good one, I might add. Track 7, "Aw, Shit. She's Crying Because She Didn't Get Picked!" is a really good one. I personally love Track 11, the piano theme from Coldplay's "Trouble." MTV loves that track, too. When Alfonso picks Peter, everyone is shocked. Jimmy camera-talks that Alfonso is in for a big surprise; Peter is a better fighter and he's going to win, he thinks. Sly chuckles that it's an "interesting" choice and that it caught him off guard. Sugar Ray chuckles too, because he likes his job and wants to keep it. Peter camera-talks that he's happy to fight and he's ready, but that he respects Alfonso for picking him and that it shows he has a lot of heart. Alfonso camera-talks that he's sure he can beat Peter. What is it with Alfonso's assuredness? Does he know some special weakness of Peter's? Does he have something to blackmail him with? Is he going to lean over during the fight and say, "I'm totally sleeping with your wife"? Not that I'm insinuating there's anything going on, but Alfonso does look pretty good in that headband. The fighters shake hands. The teams regroup. Miguel camera-talks that he doesn't think this is a good idea. Alfonso tells us that as soon as they take out the East's best fighter, "Their whole team is going to crumble." Hm. Interesting. But also, what does he really care about the team, when it comes down to it? Maybe getting to choose the fight opponents holds more advantage than I know. All I know is Joey is one happy boy today. Sly dismisses them. The West fighters yell, "West Siiiide!" Yeah, of the ratings.

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The Contender




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