The Contender

Episode Report Card
Stee: B+ | Grade It Now!
Zucker Said Knock You Out

Alfonso now. Hallway. Passion. Dream. "I will become The Contender." He is announced. Jesse cheers. There's Jackie, looking crazy, having contributed nothing to the show whatsoever. Boston kid happy he didn't get picked. Senor Hoskins. And now they meet in the ring. Touching gloves. Taking corners. Their various corner men mumble encouragement. And…Round One!

They fight. Wife yells. Peter hits. Parents yell. Alfonso gets in a bunch of good shots. Whoa. They slo-mo for a few of Alfonso's hits, signifying that they're good, which is nice, because I don't really have any fucking idea. Cheering. Fighting. Peter misses. Alfonso connects. Sly and Sugar Ray exchange a shocked look. The East is somber. "He's killing him," says Sly. More good hits. And the bell rings. Wow. Alfonso dominated. They touch gloves. Tommy tells Sugar Ray, "He wasn't fucking around." Watch your maw, potty mouth. This isn't Showtime. The West and Alfonso's family jumps up. Wife and Daughter are upset. Sugar Ray is psyched. Tommy yells at Peter. Alfonso's corner guy tells him not to go backwards now. Senor Bob Hoskins yells for his son to keep his hands up high, but, you know, in Spanish.

Round Two. Peter comes out swinging. Bobbing. Weaving. Alfonso misses, then they both seem to land punches at the same time, but I think Peter got the better of him because the East and Peter's family jump up happy and someone yells, "He's hurt! He's hurt!" and then suddenly Peter is just destroying Alfonso with a solid volley of punches. Sly says, "He's hurt!" three times and Alfonso's eye is all cut up and the West is dour and suddenly the bell rings and just in time, it seems. The East is screaming as the fighters go to their corners. Wifey is happy. Everyone is yelling advice at Alfonso, while the cut man does his job. Heartbeat. Slo-mo. Commercials. Wow, this is a great fight.

So it seems like it's one-one in terms of rounds at this point. People are cheering, psyched. "This is a great fight," says Sly. I just said that, dude! Dad is yelling, giving advice. Wife is yelling. Round Three! Alfonso lands a hard face shot. Alfonso gets a few body blows in and Wife is yelling and Dad is yelling and they're trading punches and Alfonso looks tough alla sudden, after nearly getting knocked out last round. Music. Fighting. Music. Ahmed sits stone silent, upset. Then Alfonso does this weird thing that my cats do -- he puts one hand to Peter's face and holds it there for a while. And then after a long time, he suddenly boxes him with the other hand. Misdirection! Boom! It's funny to watch with cats and only a tiny bit less so with humans. The West is on its feet. Peter tries to shake his brain working again. And the bell rings. Senor Hoskins yells, "Get some air!" and Alfonso totally listens to him and takes some deep breaths. Cheering and yelling. Peter's corner guy tells him that he "ain't throwing no punches." Yeah, that doesn't seem like good boxing strategy to me. "You're up one," says Alfonso's corner man, and makes him yell that he's not going to give Peter this round. They get up. Cheering. Cheering. Wow, I'm a boxing fan, suddenly.

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The Contender




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