One hour to fight. Both fighters get their hands taped. Ahmed puts Tommy's hat on. Someone laughs. Not me.

Ishe says that he thinks Ahmed is a "slimeball." "I hate what he stands for. He stands for nothing." So you hate "nothing"? How very postmodern of you.

Ahmed compliments Tommy's hand-wrapping. Tommy takes his hat back. Ahmed babbles. I don't listen.

Ring. Mr. T.! James Caan! Paulie! Mel Gibson!? Jesus really is watching over this fight.

Bald Cornerman tells Ishe to beat Ahmed mentally. Like through levitation? Fire-starting?

Ahmed says that it's "show time." No, it's NBC, technically. At least for now.

Both men spar in their respective locker rooms.

Crowd. Pumped-in crowd noises. William Shatner?

Ahmed comes into the ring, saying that he always hears his father in his head telling him never to be afraid, and so he is never afraid. "Allah is great!" Ahmed says. Hm. Ahmed climbs into the ring, giving us a shot of David Carradine. There's Brandy. You're a fine girl.

Ishe now slo-mos down the hall. He's voice-overing that he just tries to be a man of his word and never take the easy way out. He's never dodged anyone. Family. Family. Et cetera.

Ring. Ishe climbs in. His son sucks his thumb, prepares to have his childhood destroyed. Ahmed bounces up to Ishe, taunting. Alfonso pushes Ahmed away. The other fighters clap. The ref tries to make the two fighters look at each other but Ishe refuses to meet Ahmed's douchey glare. Girlfriend. Wife. Sugar Ray. Bald Cornerman tells Ishe to "jump on him." The fighters bounce. The bell rings!

Round One. Indeed, Ahmed comes out swinging, landing a few good punches but mostly missing, despite the Boys With Avids' best efforts to make it look hardcore. Pharrell likes it, but then Ishe goes to work, getting in a series of good blows. Mel Gibson is entranced. With Shatner around, Sly no longer has the worst face lift in the room. Ahmed grabs onto Ishe and that's not a good sign. Ishe pounds on him and Sly yells, "Fight back! Fight back!" Brandy is already scanning the crowd for another husband. Mr. T. pities the fool. Ishe keeps going. The bell rings. Ahmed, now completely a joke, wiggles his tongue at Ishe before going into his corner. Yeah, good idea taunting him when you just completely blew the round. Sly stands. Latoya approves.