Alias
The Counteragent

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Erin: B | Grade It Now!
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Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

Previously on Alias, Vaughn nabbed himself a bug, and it ain't the kind that Norton Anti-Virus can handle. Oh, and Syd managed an eleventh-hour save for both her wayward parents. Which means, THANK GOD, that Spy Mommy's back and she's BETTER THAN EVER.

After discovering that the red fluid leaking from his fingertips isn't a bad batch of Revlon Red Rampage nail polish, Vaughn smartly reaches for the Band-Aids and makes with the patchwork. Michael Vartan has really lovely hands: square-tipped fingers and strong vein-y backs. Mmmm. God, I'm a hand whore. Yes, Viggo. You have lovely hands. They're often just a bit too dirty for my taste, but that's just something I have to put up with, isn't it? As long as you wash them before you put them to use in the bedroom, I couldn't care less how dirty they get...

Vaughn looks at himself in the mirror as he puts on his tie. His expression is one of intense concern and worry. I haven't mentioned it of late, because I haven't really noticed, but I'd have to say that Vaughn's sporting about ninety-five new forehead wrinkles, bringing the current count to approximately 14,982.

While Vaughn checks his reflection for pulsating sores and suppurating wounds, we hear a phone ringing and then Doctor Sweater Vest on the other end, apparently returning a phone call that Vaughn made to him earlier. Vaughn's all, uh, yeah, thanks for getting back to me so soon. Uh. So. Uh. The thing is, I think we have a problem over here. Doctor Sweater Vest's all, I know you're worried, dude, but we ran every available test for viral infections. You're cool, man. Vaughn's all, uh, yeah, but there's this whole blood thing going on with my fingernails, Doc. Do you think that's a problem? Doctor Sweater Vest's all, uh, no, not really. I mean, not unless DYING is a problem. So, here's what we're gonna do, Captain Contagious -- you're gonna stay put, and we're gonna send a containment team over to pick your ass up. Vaughn's all, uh, no, actually, there's someone I have to see first.

After speeding along the freeway, Vaughn shows up at Mama Hari's Den Of Delights. She's sitting on the floor, paging through her ever-present Book Without A Cover. I'm not really sure just what the book's supposed to be, but it's big enough to actually be used as a weapon, so I'm pretty damn surprised she's allowed to hang onto it.

Before Vaughn can even say anything, Irina says, "I know what you did for me. Proving Sydney's father betrayed her in Madagascar. I would have been executed for that. Thank you." Vaughn's all, yeah, well, thanks for the thanks, but I didn't do it for you, you barely contained viper. Irina gets up and walks over to him, making an attempt at a sympathetic expression, but really just looking extremely sexy while Vaughn just happens to be on the other side of the glass. She touches her face with one of her tremendously large hands. Dudes. It's true. Lena Olin's hands are HUGE.

There was this recent interview with Jennifer Garner where she mentioned that she realized Lena Olin had huge hands just like her and felt an immediate kinship with the actress assigned to play her mother. Now, I never noticed that Jenny's hands were inordinately large, and up to this point, I'd never noticed that Lena Olin's hands were inordinately large. But now, with her hand held up to her face like that, uh, THEY'RE TERRIFYING. Seriously. Her hand's almost three times the size of her head. She could smack yo eyes out yo head with one little slap. Screw that whole "international terrorist" moniker; this woman's hands are loaded weapons.

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Alias

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