Alias
The Counteragent

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Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

Syd's all, okay, look, this is ALL about Vaughn as far as I'm concerned. Kendall's all, oh, FUCK Vaughn! American intelligence is NOT in the business of committing murder! Syd's all, oh REALLY? Ever heard of a little something called "military coups"? Or, like, how about VIETNAM?! Yeah, American intelligence (which, by the way, is a HUGE oxymoron) is TOTALLY peaceful and innocent. NSA, anyone?

Kendall and Syd start spitting at each other with simultaneous annoyance and rage. Kendall's all, YOU DON'T COLLABORATE WITH THE ENEMY. Syd's all, WELL, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? Kendall and Syd are about thisclose to actually poking each other in the chests with their index fingers when Spy Daddy steps up and calmly asks Kendall to give him and Syd a minute. Syd shoots her father a look that would make Princess Leia proud and snaps, "Don't try and convince me not to work with Sark!" "That's not what I'm doing," he says quietly. "I'm on your side here. We can't lose Vaughn."

Huh? What? Why? Why is Spy Daddy suddenly all about not losing Vaughn? I have NO idea. He's certainly made it clear in the past that Vaughn's nothing special to him. But, maybe his little breakthrough in regard to The Madagascar Fiasco (or should I say "Fiascah" so it rhymes and makes me giggle) has made him realize that his little girl's happiness is all that matters, and if Vaughn bites the dust, Syd will be one unhappy international double agent. So, in an effort to avoid Kendall's bureaucratic ways, Jack suggests going through SD-6 and finding out Sloane's itinerary for his Tokyo Alliance meeting to get at Private Poopy-Pants that way.

Inspector Dingus's Rabbit Hole Of Dinky Devices And Twitchy Telecommunications. Dingus is messing around with what appears to be a polar bear rug. Why? This is Dingus, people. I wouldn't be surprised if, one day, we came upon Marshall performing an alien autopsy. You know, just because he felt like it, and, like, he just happened to have an extra dead alien lying around. Jack enters and says something about how his STU isn't recognizing his crypto-ignition key. Yeah, I think the writers had resorted to snorting chocolate milk by the time they got to this scene and they just started making shit up.

Marshall barely acknowledges that Jack's made a request and starts blabbling on about how polar bears can't be detected by infrared photography because their fur emits no heat. Jack just stares at Marshall like he's grown ears and a snout and started hee-hawing. Marshall gets the clue and leaves to handle Jack's crypto-ignition key problem. Without blinking an eye, Jack makes his way over to Marshall's computer and starts typing. No, I really don't know why Jack has to get Sloane's itinerary from Marshall's computer. It really doesn't make sense, but you know, it's very hard to make sense of things when you're HIGH ON RUBBER CEMENT.

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Alias

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