The Counteragent

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

Hell-Lay. As the beautiful "I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel plays, we watch Vaughn in his hospital bed, slowly waking up as if he's just had a really long nap instead of a deadly disease. Jack's sitting by the side of his bed, looking, actually, rather paternally at Vaughn. It would be creepy if it weren't kind of sweet. Vaughn asks, "What's happening?" Jack responds, "You've been asleep for forty hours." Vaughn asks, "Am I dying?" Jack, ever careful about his bedside manner, says, "Almost. Sydney got the antidote. The doctors say your blood levels are looking good." Vaughn rasps, "How'd she do it?" Jack grimaces, "She had Sloane killed."

SD-6 Offices Of Rogue Double Agents And The Other Agents Who Are Completely In The Dark. Syd enters in slo-mo and passes by Sloane's empty office. She sees people coming out of the conference room and walks over to see what's going on. As she enters, the slo-mo stops and boom! There's Sloane! Looking healthy, happy, and not a little bit dangerous. Syd's eyebrows nearly betray her inner "What the fuck?" Detective Dementia has this hooded expression in his eyes that totally makes me think he's on to Syd and that she is FUCKED. She looks over and there's Sark, looking for all the world like a nuclear-operated shit-eating grin machine. God, David Anders is sexy as hell.

Sloane's all, hey there, Syd. Mornin'! I believe you know Mr. Sark. Syd's all, uh, yeah, but I don't think we've ever been officially introduced. Detective Don't Look Now But I'm Onto You is all, Mr. Sark is now cooperating with us in our ongoing search for Derevko and the remains of her company. Syd's all, HE'S cooperating? Are you HIGH? Brigadier Boo! is all, debrief Sark, sweetie. Make like a secretary and take some dictation. I'm gonna go hang out with the rest of the undead over by the espresso machine.

Sergeant Sucks To Be You leaves and Sark's all, Agent Bristow, working with you -- Syd's all, dude, SHHHH! Sark's all, don't worry, sweetheart, I pulsed the bugs. We're cool. Let's reminisce! Syd's all, uh, what in the HELL are you doing here? Sark's all, baby, I just took him off to a remote location and revived him, that's all.

We return to Tokyo for a flashback as Sark tells Sloane, "Here's the situation. Rambaldi's true aim is a puzzle. I have certain pieces, you have others. We'll never solve his mystery, but together...together, we cannot fail." Major Malfunction is all, uh, yeah, like, how do I know you're for real or that you have anything real to offer? Sark's all, well, first, you're alive, dude. I intercepted communications indicating that there would be an assassination attempt on your life. See? I done good. First Mate Feliz Navidad is all, oh, like that proves anything. You could have PLANNED the assassination attempt. "Which brings me to my second piece of information," snits Sark, handing Sloane a folded piece of paper. Secret Agent So What's All This Then reads it and glances over at Sark as if the paper had a naked drawing of Auntie Em on it and the artist's signature was "Sark."

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