Alias
The Coup

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Vegas, baby! VEGAS!

Syd's relatively disgusted, but offers to put a little cover-up on it anyway. "This is very embarrassing," says Willage. "What, the fact that I saw it, or that it's there at all?" says Syd. Hee. Both, girlfriend. Both. There's this hyper-cute banter that they go through about the age of Will's intern and the fact that the Clinton administration apparently taught Will absolutely nothing and, really, it's a sweet scene. And, surprisingly, Will's not all that irritating. Thanks, Mr. Abrams. There's the requisite "moment of staring" that suggests some unrequited love between Will and Syd, but I'm ignoring it in favor of the general fun and silliness of the scene that preceded it.

Francie and Charlie arrive to break up the non-sexual tension, and Francie announces that the next time she and Charlie have brunch with their parents, mimosas are strictly off-limits. Syd wants to know if it went well, and Francie tells her that it went so well, both sets of parents are going on vacation together. "Ew," says Syd, in yet another shout-out. Shut up. I can dream, can't I? There are a few seconds of parental issues/wedding banter; then Francie asks Syd where she's off to this time. Syd tells her it's Vegas, baby, VEGAS! Francie's all excited, because she and Charlie have been talking about running off to Vegas to get married. We can all see where this is going, can't we?

Syd tries to get them to understand that she's not going to Vegas for a vacation. Francie's all, we don't need a chaperone, okay? Syd's all, but I want to be able to hang out with you guys. Francie's all, whatever, you self-centered brat. Syd's all, just wait a week, okay? Then we'll totally hang together in Vegas, baby, VEGAS! Syd goes to leave, but Charlie stops her and asks her to post some fliers around school announcing a gig of his. He tries to get Willage to take some too, but Willage tells him that he's going to a prison for a meeting. Way to segue...

...to The Prison Of Former thirtysomething Cast Members. Will's sitting down with Ken Olin. Ken's ready to talk. Willage won't talk to Ken until he's certain that Ken's daughter is safe. She is. Yes, I'm going to make the recap of this scene, and the scenes immediately following, as short and sweet as possible. Willage wants to know just what the hell SD-6 is. Ken's gonna tell him what he knows, but first there's something that Willage has to do.

We immediately cut to some random office building. Willage walks up to some receptionist and tells her that he's there to interview a "Mr. Glasser." As the following scenes play, there's this undercurrent of hilarious "spy music" going on, as if to suggest that Willage Idiot has now become Bond, Willage Bond. In a voice-over, Ken tells Willage that he's to contact a company called OT Technologies and that he should tell them that he's there to interview the CEO. Back at the prison, Will's all, why would I want to interview this Glasser dude? Ken's all, you don't, but you gotta get into the building. See, Ken used to work there, and before his trial, he did a bad, bad thing. Mmmm...Chris Isaak. Right. Anyway, Ken somehow knew that some people wanted to use his encryption software, and that someone was going to use it for no good, so he wrote a subroutine in the fluttery-nugget with the lammedy-dingle and the foozy-whatsit. Huh? Yeah, Willage doesn't get it either. Basically, Ken rigged it so he could find out exactly who's accessed his program. So, all Willage has to do is get himself into the building, locate the server room, enter the pass code which, by the way, hasn't changed for the entire EIGHT YEARS that Ken's been in prison, boot up his handy laptop, log on to the system, locate a file named "dolphin," and download it. Oh, that's it? That's all? Why doesn't he just scale the building in a catsuit, slice open a window with some glasscutters, and whip out his Ovaltine decoder ring while he's at it? Because that would make about as much sense as this intensely unbelievable scenario. Whatever. Willage performs the task. End Substandard Spy Scene.

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Alias

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