Newlyweds
The Duet

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Nick and Jessica's "World" "Tour"

Hotel. Jessica walks with a friend. Near the elevators, Jessica trips and totally eats it, her bags going flying, her purse emptying out. She and her friend laugh. Then Jessica suddenly doesn't laugh so much anymore and makes a sad-for-herself/maybe-actually-hurt noise.

Theme. Credits. Hugs and kisses and white, white teeth on white, white people. That weird, poorly-thought-out glissando on "We'll get there." This I Swear.

Day. Sunset Blvd. But then the Capitol Records building five miles away. Then to a building I recognize but can't place. Inside, Jessica sits with an older woman, a shock of grey in her hair like she just saw a poltergeist. They're in the woman's lofty studio. I guess this is Jessica's Linda Perry or something. They're going through albums of standards and old songs, trying to find songs for the Jessica Throws Nick A Bone album, an album of duets they're trying to record. They discuss "Take My Breath Away" and then Not Linda Perry asks Jessica if she knows the Commodores or Carole King. No on both. Jessica says that she gets Billy Joel and Billy Idol mixed up. Yeah, I'd love to see Billy Idol sing "Goodnight Saigon." The "And we would all go down together" part would be awesome with the lip curl and the black half-gloved fist in the air. Not Linda Perry's cute assistant laughs; man, she hates Jessica. Jessica doesn't know Bread or DeBarge. The song playing goes "I wanna make it with you," and Jessica thinks they say "bake it with you." Because it's Bread. Even the assistant groans on that one. Jessica laughs like she just made a funny on purpose.

Parking lot. Sagebrush Cantina restaurant. Nick pulls up while on the phone with Drew, who also pulls up. They don't realize they're standing right in front of each other for a minute. Holy crap, they're both wearing exactly the same thing, like they're the Olsen twins. (Are you guys as excited as I am for their new movie? New York Minute? Thought so.) They both wear red caps and white long-sleeve shirts and blue sweat pants. Someone is going Single White Female, and I think his name rhymes with "Ew."

Jessica and the assistant, who I guess is Jessica's assistant rather than Not Linda Perry's, get into Assistant's car. Jessica almost breaks the door on the curb. "Why did it make that noise?" says Jessica, wide-eyed. I'm sure she says that sentence a lot, and others like it. "Why does it shine so much? Why did it run when I tried to pet it? Why does that stuff come out of it?"

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Newlyweds

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