Newlyweds
The Duet

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Nick and Jessica's "World" "Tour"

Sagebrush. Table. Nick tries to explain the duet album to Drew -- they're trying to do songs that are meaningful to their relationship. Drew thinks they should do "Endless Love." Nick says they're trying to avoid "hokey" songs. (Right, like "Take My Breath Away.") Drew starts singing and bench-dancing. "Rico Suave," he sings.

Night. House. Drew and Nick camera-talk about how they've already done a duet, so the opportunity to do more is something they can't pass up. (Jessica is digging her nails into her hand below camera level, knowing she should follow up this current album with another solo one, and wondering how Nick turned into such dead weight so quickly.) Jessica voice-overs that they're going on tour, doing eighteen different shows in the month. We see a Montage of Touring as Jessica says that they're going to be "promoting their records," which is funny because Nick really doesn't have anything to promote.

Hotel. Jessica opens the door into Nick. Assistant stands by as Jessica gets ready to go do some radio thing. Jessica brats that radio people are so annoying. That's the first smart thing she's said in years. As Jessica and Assistant leave, Nick says, "Love you, baby!" Jessica doesn't answer. Nick is left alone to order up some porn and have a good cry.

Elevator. Assistant tries lamely to hype Jessica up. Jessica says that she's PMS-ing bad. Jessica signs photos somewhere, upset. Jessica walks through a mall, bitching that she didn't get to warm up. Jessica sings at a huge mall. Poor girl. Don't you do that at the "beginning" of your career? They do an insane slo-mo pan of waving fans, but pipe in the most inappropriately loud cheering. They must have cribbed the sound reel from the Beatles playing Ed Sullivan or something. Because all that screaming ain't from Jessica lip-synching in a mall.

After. Jessica says that was awesome and it makes her not complain anymore. She quickly starts complaining, and then gets on another plane. Commercials.

Limo. Dallas. Drive them by the book depository! Jessica says, "Welcome to the Big D." Nick quips, "The Big Disaster. The Big Debacle." Jessica has no idea what he's saying. Nick is actually pretty funny sometimes. Who knew?

Hotel. Jessica looks through a Kama Sutra book as some new girl looks on, helping to unpack. Jessica finds a picture in the book and says, "I don't like that. That scares me." They then discuss tantric sex and the girl, who's way too excited to be in the shot, talks about Sting having sex for eight hours. "Sting, the singer?" says Jessica, who I'm sure has no idea who The Police were. Jessica then says, "Why do they have sex for eight hours? I don't think I would want to do that."

A stretch Hummer picks them up. It's pretty cool, I must say. Jessica picks the ride as the time to inform Nick, "My album went up thirty percent." "Really?" says Nick. Surprise, jealousy, hurt, fear, and pride all wash over his face in the two second pause. Quite astonishing. Feeling bad, Jessica then says they should indeed do the duet thing. Nick says that he's not going to do it for what they're offering. Jessica, knowing he's being a fool, says that she thinks it would be fun. Assistant and the other girl watch. "Absolutely," says Nick, non-committal, seconds away from jumping out of the moving vehicle into traffic. As they arrive at some concert hall, they have an inane conversation about Chuck Norris. Jessica thinks he used to do concerts here. Then she asks if he was a CIA agent, and Nick says that his show was called Walker, Texas Ranger, not Walker, CIA Agent. Then Jessica asks why she thinks she's seen him in a karate outfit. "Yes," people answer, not really making sense with their answer.

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Newlyweds

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