The Event

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: C | Grade It Now!
There Goes the Phallic Symbol
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on The Event: Aliens are sad! Yeah, yeah. Your planet's sun is going through the slowest supernova in the universe. Cry me a river, aliens. And Sean and Vicky need to follow Dempsey to France. Let's take this nonsense on the road! Give it some international flavor! Or something!

Back to the action! Sean and Vicky had just threatened the Vice President and escaped through some unguarded doors, so now they're running down the sidewalk, pursued by secret service agents. They get some distance from their pursuers by running across a busy street against the light. Man, first they threaten the VP, then they jaywalk? They're really piling up the offenses here. Also, Sean seems to be a really good runner. He's such a good runner, in fact, that he gets separated from Vicky. He finds himself in an alley populated by a van with the keys in it. And the van's owner, but that's no obstacle to a career criminal like Our Hero, Sean Walker. So he steals the van and takes off. He screeches to a stop almost immediately, but that's because he somehow knew that he had just crossed the sidewalk that Vicky would be running along. She gets in and they drive away. The secret service agents shake their fists in frustration. I'm not sure why they don't shoot at the van as it drives away. Or get on the radio to tell the police. Maybe ask the people in charge of the ubiquitous security cameras to keep track of the van? That might be a good idea. Judging from the scenes in the Situation Room, there are a lot of them, and they can be used to follow people through Washington, DC. But that doesn't occur to these highly-trained agents, so they just stand there as Sean gets away. I've reached the point where I'm rooting for the nameless, faceless goons to catch Sean.

At a darkened street corner somewhere, Sean and Vicky have parked the van so they can switch to their other stolen car. Vicky faces away from the audience so she can take her shirt off for no reason I can see. I mean, I understand why she's doing it in the context of "here is an attractive woman on a television show that would like better ratings, so she's taking her shirt off," but in the context of "we have to get out of the city as quickly as possible because the secret service is after us," I feel like maybe she should save the costume changes for after she's gotten away. And maybe when she's indoors. While she's doing this, she tells Sean that she got him to Jarvis, so now she feels like she's done. Sean disagrees: "Hey. You're done when I say you're done." Then he threatens her son's life again. "When I get Dempsey, you'll be free. That's the only way." So now he wants Vicky to sneak him into France. Do the people who make this show even know where France is? It's hard to sneak someone into a country that's on the other side of an ocean. Especially if they're wanted for murder and terrorism, which I think Sean is. Nobody seems to be looking for him, although there was a scene several episodes ago where Blake Sterling told someone that it was absolutely essential to pick Sean up.

Back to the alien siege. By the way, if you have fifty bucks and a FlipVideo, you could probably make a movie called Alien Siege and get it shown on the SyFy channel. Military personnel (who were supposed to be dressed like local law enforcement, but just end up looking like a cross between ninjas and a SWAT team. I'm not sure what channel is right for Ninja SWAT Team. Maybe G4 would like to start running movies? It could star the people who have done well on Ninja Warrior! Where was I? Oh! The Ninja SWAT Team are setting up an extremely obvious perimeter around the cathedral. There are a lot of shots of them running down the middle of the street, hopping fences, standing on the edges of roofs, and so on. Basically, anyone in the neighborhood would be able to immediately tell that something's going on, and that the people in the cathedral are being surrounded. We see Leila inside, so she's definitely in there. That means that the door guy wasn't actually checking names or anything. Nice security, aliens. Leila looks worried and sees Sophia, which is not at all important.

Back to the White House. Hey, it's Simon. Hi, Simon! He says that he's just now heard that there's some kind of situation going on with Sophia and Thomas, and Sterling tells him that he, Simon, is not going to be in charge of it. Instead, Sterling will be relying on Simon's expertise, whatever that means. So I guess that means that Simon was at work during the whole last episode, but he was just out of the loop, and that's why he never warned Sophia. I feel like there was at least a day or so in there that Simon could have heard something, since as soon as they started tracing Sophia's phone, Simon would have been very interested.

In the Situation Room, that one general shows the layout of that cathedral and says that there are no underground exits or tunnels, so no one's leaving. Really? Well, then I'd have to say that Thomas picked a poor place to have everyone gather for a special meeting. If I were in charge of arranging secret meetings for a couple hundred aliens, I'd want a place with lots of entrances and exits. It might just be that I think secret entrances and exits are cool. Martinez says that he's just going to assume that they're all armed, which seems to worry Simon. The Ninja SWAT Team continues to run around and take up positions. Martinez calls Sophia to tell her to surrender peacefully, but he also wants to shout at her about lying to him. I still think that if they had her cell phone number this whole time, it couldn't have been that hard to find her. He tells Sophia that she's got ten minutes, and ends with this threat: "If we encounter any resistance whatever, I'll make you regret leaving wherever it is you came from." Nice sentence.

Marines are still running around and taking up positions. Some of them are just now getting out of vans. Martinez should probably have waited for everyone to get in place before calling Sophia to warn her.

In the Situation Room, the general starts to say something that's probably very important. But I'm distracted by something in the background: somebody rolls in a room service cart with a pitcher of water on it. This is the Situation Room here! They're openly talking about fighting an alien invasion that they haven't told the public about, and they're still leaving the door open for the staff to bring in water? They really need to tighten up security in here.

In the cathedral, Thomas hands out guns from a closet and blames this problem on Martinez, who he calls "Sophia's president." Sophia thinks they should just "use the portal" to escape. So now they can't just create a portal any old where; they need to use that giant portal station in Mongolia (or Tibet or Nepal or wherever that was). Thomas makes up some nonsense about security protocols. Michael says that the people surrounding them are probably Special Forces, which he knows because he was in Korea "in another life." Man, he not only got married and had a kid, he actually joined the army? This guy's terrible at staying out of human affairs! Leila wanders up to talk to her father, which surprises me. I would have thought that this was an inner-circle kind of spot, where only bigwigs like Thomas and Sophia, plus their minions get to hang out. But Leila, who's only half-alien anyway, gets to just walk up. I wonder what the other aliens are doing. You know, the average, run-of-the-mill guys that just got sprung from Inostranka or the people who've been living among humanity for 66 years. Are they just making small talk while they wait for their leaders to decide what to do? I'm spending all this time speculating on that because Leila's little chat with her father doesn't amount to much. Michael still doesn't have time to tell Leila what's going on or what she is.

Simon's on his phone in the White House Rose Garden and he's talking to Sophia. And she's using the phone they cracked, so I guess Simon still does

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The Event




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