The Following
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: B | 7 USERS: B+
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Stab Her Gently

Stabbyface is still lying on the ground as Mike explains that she's right-handed, so she did most of the writing herself, but someone else had to do her right arm and shoulder. Of course, the verses on her are from "The Raven." Her last words were also Poe's. Mike has done his homework or maybe he just watched that grim-looking John Cusack movie.

Mason comes over with Stabby's prints: she has seven names and visited Carroll repeatedly under two of them. Her phone was disposable. Mason hands Ryan her phone, with Sarah Fuller on the other end. Ryan assures Sarah she'll be safe (nope, I'm calling it now, she is the Drew Barrymore of this show) and she thanks him for calling. Uh, that conversation could've been done by text message.

Ryan returns Mason's phone, and she asks why Claire Matthews is refusing to talk to anyone but him. Because she has an unhealthy attachment to emotionally damaged lawmen! Come on.

Sarah's gay boyfriends, who are also her next-door neighbors, are bitching about how they have to feed the cops and they want to know if one particular cute cop is single. On the TV, a psychologist is opining about how the ladies love Joe Carroll. Sarah flashes back to his class, where he's lecturing on insanity in art. Sarah is starstruck and gives the right answer, about how Poe believed nothing was as beautiful as the death of a beautiful woman. I'm pretty sure that's also the philosophy driving most of CBS's primetime dramas. Carroll smiles at her.

Mike is looking at the computer Carroll used, which he's infected with a virus so Mike can't figure out the sites he visited. Ryan asks who the guards were who were supposed to be supervising Carroll's Internet use and Riley says there was one constant, Jordan Raines. He's Candice Bergen's bum of a son from Miss Congeniality! And he helped Carroll escape.

The troops head to Raines's house. Turner bangs on the door and when there's no answer, they break the door in. The house is empty. Ryan finds a wall full of missing-dog flyers, and when Mike wakes up Raines's computer, there's a video of Raines with a puppy -- I don't think I can do this, you guys. Carry on without me until the threats of violence toward puppies are over. (I know. Animal violence bothers me more than people violence. I blame James Dobson.)

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The Following

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