The Fugitive
Lagniappe

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Keckler: C | Grade It Now!
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Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

Kimble escorts Tom across a few streets, carefully looking to see if the saints come marching in, until Tom points to a red-balconied building. "This is it here. Bon, bon," Tom says in a heavily accented voice. Kimble skeptically checks out the peeling-paint sign reading "Healing Herbs Gris Gris Fortunes Told" and tells Tom he needs a hospital. Tom tells him that this is a hospital. They enter the apothecary shop, which is overflowing with jars containing suspicious floaters, wooden boxes of herbs, drippy candles, scarves, beads, an alligator mouth -- your usual voodoo fare. Any minute now, I expect the Scooby Gang to walk in on a shopping spree. Reginald VelJohnson, a.k.a. the cop from Die Hard (also the cop dad from Family Matters), welcomes them, and then exclaims, "Dominick, what happened?" Okay, so Hotel Gift's proprietor's name must be Dom, not Tom. Dom says, "I need to see Nettie," as the voodoo shopkeeper escorts them behind some beads to a back room. Mr. Voodoo asks if Dom can "vouch for this one," meaning Kimble. Dom says, "Of course, he helped me get here."

In the back of the shop, Mr. Voodoo pulls back a curtain and reveals a room full of sick-looking people. A young woman in a lab coat and stethoscope diagnoses pink-eye in her beret-wearing patient and gives her a bottle of something with instructions to administer it twice a day. "Thanks, Nettie," the beret-wearing woman says thankfully. Nettie then turns her attention to Dominick. "Now what have you been doing?" she asks him. "I fell off my scooter," Dominick tells her. "Uh-huh, scooter made of glass?" Nettie asks. Kimble makes like he's going to leave, but Mr. Voodoo rushes in with an older woman and shouts that she collapsed in front of the shop. His interest piqued, Kimble decides to stick around a little longer. Nettie asks Kimble to put pressure on Dominick's wound while she tends to this new crisis. Nettie tells Mr. Voodoo that the woman can't breathe, so Mr. Voodoo goes to get the oxygen. Nettie asks if the woman is having chest pains. And here, I really must apologize to all my elderly readers, but I could not help the thought that popped into my head when she said that. All I could think of was that emergency "I've fallen and I can't get up" medic commercial, because another part of the ad was "I'm having chest pains!" I suffer from asthma myself, so being unable to breathe is not funny, but that commercial was. ["Ach, Mrs. Fletcher…we hardly knew ye." -- Sars] Kimble is watching this whole spectacle, and as soon as he hears Nettie say, "Maybe it's asthma, get an inhaler," he interrupts with, "She's in anaphylactic shock -- she needs epinephrine!" Nettie looks at him questioningly. "Look at the hives!" Kimble shrieks. "Pop, who is this?" Nettie demands of Mr. Voodoo. Pop Voodoo tells her he came in with Dominick. Meanwhile, Kimble is scavenging around for an epi hypo. Man, I've never had to use so much medical jargon in a recap yet. Recapping ER must be a killer. No pun intended. Miraculously, Kimble finds a stray epi hypo and sticks it in the woman before anyone can stop him. And you know what? It works. Everyone is mystified by Kimble's knowledge. "You some kind of doctor?" Pop Voodoo asks him. Kimble tells him he was a medic in the army. Pop Voodoo offers him a job at the clinic at two hundred dollars a day, cash. Nettie protests that they don't know Kimble from Adam. Pop Voodoo says something about needing the help, what with the police on their doorstep ready to shut them down. Kimble turns down the offer of his own accord, saying he's only "passing through." Kimble au revoirs Dominick, who tells him, "You see my brother-in-law, you tell his ass to get ready for my foot, ja?"

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The Fugitive

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