The Fugitive

Episode Report Card
Manimal: C- | 478 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Remember the "Maine." Or better yet, don't.

Props to my homie on the East side, who covered my ass last week when my VCR experienced recordus interruptus.

Welcome to CBS Friday. It's aaaalll here. Credits. Dead wife, white tank top, prominent nipples, assailant, prominent prosthetic, Kimble, prominently horrible dye job. Snippets of every episode thus far are included. Gerard. Computer graphics. Strangely enough, no "previouslys."

Blip on a computer-generated map of the US. It's Keegan Forest, Maine. A gorgeous and lush forest is getting de-forested quicker than a frat boy losing his sobriety on a Friday night. It's sort of awful to see. Close up of Kimble's noble side profile.

Flashback to previous episode. Ah-hah, here's why there's no "previouslys" -- obviously CBS is feeling guilty about whacking down some trees, and is doing its bit by recycling its previous episode. Anyway, the dude from My So-Called Life tells Kimble that he got an e-mail from some guy in Maine who picked up the One-Armed Man (You Find That Man!) in Maine. Many many blipverts of passport photos and web pages.

Back to the "small logging camp" where One-Armed Man (You Find That Man!) was last seen. Kimble wears yet another in his parade of endless flannel shirts. You'd think that along with the shirts, he'd learn to change his expression occasionally. But noooo, he's still looking stoic and noble and shit. He wipes his nose. More trees tumble. A big crane/chipper thing hoists the logs up to its platform. We get many disturbing, Freudian close-ups of logs. A burly-looking guy named Mark comes up and compliments Kimble on how far he's come in the last couple of days. Kimble mumbles, "Well, I had a good teacher." Mark tells him that his sister's brought lunch.

Cut to a rather butchy woman. It's Hey, Hey! Paula and her very bizarre-looking younger brother Adam, who looks like a cross between a ferret and a fairy. It's like Marlon Perkins and Andrew Lang got drunk together and sketched up a quick character. Mark asks Hey, Hey! Paula if he's got an extra sandwich for the new chaser. "He's got the quick moves! Gonna be good." "Dan" tells everyone he's been on the job for about a week, and they rib him about being a greenhorn. Everyone is supposed to have a Maine accent in this episode, but instead people keep switching between a classic Kennedy Bahstahn accent and strollin' down the rivers of ol' Shenandoah. It's giving me a headache.

Adam, the Fey Ferret, says, "That ain't new." Hey, Hey! Paula says, "Isn't." Note: this grammar correction becomes a little leitmotif of the way the siblings watch out for each other. I won't be noting it elsewhere, but take my word for it. More "camaraderie" ensues. Hey, Hey! Paula wants to invite "Dan" and his strapping self over for dinner, but is too shy to do so. Adam the Gamine Groundhog does it for her. She says, "I'm gonna kill you!" but is not-so-secretly delighted at the thought. Just then, Angus the foreman strolls up and chews Adam the Ecstasy Elf a new one for being behind on his quota. Angus asks why didn't he answer his call. Adam shrugs. Angus points out that if he kept his phone on -- here he grabs it out of Adam's tool belt and shakes it for emphasis -- maybe he could answer his questions. Angus yells, "You keep tellin' me you want more -- more hours, more money, more responsibility. I give it to you and all I get is excuses!" Mark steps in and says, "What do you want us to make up?" Angus tells him to "start riggin'" and set some chokers up. I can't stop staring at Adam. He looks like he wandered off the set of Lord of The Rings onto The Fugitive due to a few too many encounters with some powdered unicorn horn, if you know what I mean. Adam makes some excuse about his shoulder being tweaked. Mark says, "I'll set the chokers," and grabs them. Hey, Hey! Paula tells Angus he's too hard on Adam, but Angus says everyone lets him slide, and he'll never grow up that way. Kimble asks "Mr. Wheeler" to go walking with him, and he and Kimble set off into the forest.

The Fugitive

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