The Fugitive

Episode Report Card
Manimal: C | Grade It Now!
Ask not for whom the bell tolls

Kimble smiles and tells the priest that it was his father's way of protecting him, but that he doesn't believe in it. The priest asks what he believes in. Kimble mutters, "Nothing." The priest tries to get him to reaffirm his faith. Kimble tells him to get stuffed. Just kidding. Instead he talks some more about Helen. The priest delivers the dumbest platitude of all time: "I'm sorry. God must've needed her to be with him." How I hate that explanation. How come God never "needs" someone like, say, Jesse Helms to be with Him? Whatever, Central Casting Catholic Priest. Kimble, to his credit, doesn't smack him. He asks why God needed Helen to suffer. Why does God want us viewers to suffer as well? Why does God let shows like this and That's Life continue while Freaks & Geeks gets cancelled? The Lord does, indeed, work in mysterious ways. CCCPriest tells him that faith isn't logical. Right at that moment Kimble cheeses it, upon hearing the coppers enter the church.

The priest hides the medal as Kimble tries to get out the back way. CCCPriest doesn't give him away. Kimble is stunned and approaches CCCPriest after the cops leave and says, "Thank you." The padre hands him back his medal.

And credits! Oh, shit. Those are the OPENING credits. God, that is so cruel!

More exciting graphics of a map of the United States. Now we're in Chicago, Illinois. An overwrought voice off-camera hisses, "Richard Kimble murdered my daughter." Cut to a jowly fellow wearing the Black Trenchcoat of Menance as he tells an unseen presence that the police failed to catch Kimble, and he doesn't think they ever will. And instead, Dr. Anspaugh's trusting a bounty hunter to take care of business.

Apparently the bounty hunter comes equipped with a past, which includes a sister named Gwen who was killed by an intruder. Wow, too bad Mattel hasn't thought of including pat back stories with THEIR toys. Dr. Anspaugh offers Vasick a hundred thousand dollars to see that he "doesn't ever get away." Vasick says, "Ever?" Whoa, maybe Anspaugh shouldn't call those Special Education Hitmen anymore. Vasick demands a cool 350K instead.

Cut to a ceramic frog. Kimble lifts it up to reveal a key. You know what? Philadephia's not exactly Mayberry. Who the hell goes around leaving so many spare keys scattered around?

He steps into a large, white carpeted house. A cat meows. Kimble says, "Hi, Mr. Jones," and picks him up. Behind Kimble, a house alarm console flashes. Cut back to Vasick on his cell phone, asking someone to "grease some wheels" for him. The guy refuses. Vasick hangs up and says, "Candy ass."

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The Fugitive




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