Last week on Survivor: Sonja got snuffed. B.B. irritated his team by having a work ethic; life experience is a buzzkill at Club Survivor. Stacey won my permanent disdain by wearing a floppy island-motif bow in her hair. Does she think this is sorority rush? She must have left her pearls at home.
Before I begin: things did not work out between me and Sean. It's over and I've accepted it. I just can't compete with his super-pole. Nor would I want to.
We hear the same shtick from Jeff Probst before the credits. I've only seen Rock & Roll Jeopardy twice, but I don't recall him being nearly as annoying as he is on this show. In case you missed last week (and hordes of media attention), "thirty-nine days, sixteen castaways, one million dollars" sums it up quite nicely. Don't ask me to say it again.
At Tagi Day 4, Stacey whines that she is hungry. She's starved herself before, but not for profit. I think the CBS honchos need to let us into the loop here; "dire" isn't the word I'd use to describe the crates of food I watched them unpack last week. It's a lot more than I have in my cupboards. The tribe seems oddly excited to eat rat; maybe Susan's been talking it up. Having seen combat, however, a couple of days sans brie and Beaujolais are just fun and games for Rudy.
As Richard, Kelly, Sean and Stacey (who resembles Diane Lane in this scene) head out on the raft, we learn that they've been baiting traps with crabs. I don't understand why don't they just eat the crabs. Richard wants to know more about Stacey since he voted for her last week. I don't need to know her any better to know I don't like her. Richard then tells us that Stacey thinks Rudy voted for her and that she's not worried about it because "he's next anyway." She then continues her smear campaign against him, saying he's doing "inappropriate" things in the kitchen that cause knives to rust in mere hours. She calls him a "liability," but I think she's just using big words hoping the others will just assume big words make sense. Rudy shows that he didn't learn much in kindergarten when he cryptically tells us, "Me and her wouldn't get along. If we were friends on the outside I'd definitely avoid her." He then says that after three weeks in the jungle Stacey will learn her lesson. Please God don't let her make it to three weeks. But if she does, make it a lesson of the malarial sort, okay?
At Pagong, we really shouldn't expect anyone else to be working except B.B. and Gretchen. Interspersed with shots of B.B. bossing the others around, various Pagongs comment on his technique. Jenna says that B.B. is the reason the team is getting things done. Don't worry if you miss this clip -- they use it again in a totally different context later. Colleen reveals that she suffers from Madonna syndrome and speaks with a perplexing indeterminate accent as she comments, "I mean, really, B.B., he's adoraaaaable. Who wouldn't want zee B.B. action figure?" I just checked her bio and it turns out this accent may have legitimately developed during her extensive two-month trip to France. Or from her love of French movies. In any case, we know she's American because Jeff Probst insists upon it. According to B.B., Gretchen, Greg, and "the lady in the pink swimming suit" are the hardest workers in the tribe. How are we supposed to remember their names when they can't even remember each other's names? Ramoaner is irritated that someone expects her to work -- she seems to think she's "working [her] butt off." She makes a thinly veiled threat against B.B., saying, "I don't see it lasting much longer," pretending like she's talking about his hard work, but it's obvious she's suggesting he'll soon be homeward bound. B.B. runs out of shelters to build so he turns his efforts toward a heretofore-neglected necessity: chopstick making. How very Gilligan's Island of him; now all they need are some straws for their coconut-shelled piña coladas. I hope the Harlem Globetrotters stop by later on. Everyone thanks B.B., even though I'm sure they could really care less about eating with their fingers when later they'll be shitting under a tree. B.B. so-graciously grumbles that he won't make a ninth set if anyone loses theirs. In another confessional, Ramoaner says B.B., like, will be the first to, like, go. Despite her academic, like, pedigree, Ramoaner does not seem particularly, like, self-aware, like, to me. Like.
Back at Tagi, Rudy cooks papaya and rice. Just being in Richard's presence is emasculating him; it rubs off, Rudy -- watch out. Rudy laughs and walks away when the others announce they're fishless. He did several tours of Vietnam; he's not crying over the possibility that there's no lemon left for his rice. In an abrupt lack of transition, Richard tells us in a confessional that he and Rudy have an "interesting dynamic" and that it might be "difficult" for Rudy to learn he's gay. Sean exhibits more of the diarrhea mouth we saw last week when he tells Richard, "I know you're not just homosexual; I know gay guys don't like to be called that because you're not homosexual, you're gay, you know?" But Richard doesn't know. Sean continues to explete and then tries to divert attention from his inadequacies by pointing out someone else's. He tells Richard that he only needs to worry about one person, and the camera pans over to Rudy throwing knives into the brush. Richard says, "I'm not worried at all," and immediately rises several places in my Survivor standings. It's clear that Sean is pulling a Stacey and trying to save his own ignorant ass by offering up someone else's. Meanwhile, Dirk jiggles his leg so hard with discomfort I'm thinking it might dislocate, or else he's trying to shake his leg off like a rat caught in the trap known as Tagi. But maybe he's just lost in prayer for all of their damned souls. Richard approaches Rudy, and in a voice-over we hear Rudy's crotchety voice say, "He was gonna tell me he was queer then," but that "the homosexual, he's one of the nicest guys I [sic] ever met." He sounds like he's discussing a peculiar animal, and I know that ignorance is no excuse, but sometimes it is. He tells us he's good friends with Richard, "but not in a homosexual way." Because we needed that clarified. In true Bunim-Murray style, we get a shot of Rudy slathering Richard with sunscreen. Sean giggles juvenilely in the background, waiting for his turn. He's hoping Rudy will help him shave his chest later on. He does that, you know.