Alicia: "Mom, you cheated!"
Veronica: "I didn't cheat! I am just a flirt. Why are you holding me accountable for my actions, what is this. Are you mad because I vanished for two years? I can't be responsible for that either. Malcolm had, quote, the soul of a vagabond."
Alicia: "Just please don't start saying the word vagina at me..."
Veronica: (Swiftly says that word sixty-seven times in a row.)
Alicia: "You're such an old asshole."
Veronica: "Are you mad at me because you have a crush on your boss, Will?"
Alicia: "First of all, that doesn't even make sense. And second of all, OWEN!"
Owen: "I'm sorry! I had to tell her something! You know how all gay men are secretly imagining having gay sex with every man they meet or trying to trick them into having gay sex? It was one of those times."
Veronica: "Where did you get your penchant for discretion, Alicia? It must be a recessive gene or something. Vagina."
THE BIG GAY WIRETAP
Makes it sound pretty bad for our li'l gay guy. He is innocent, but it catches him admitting that he's having doubts whether he's to blame or not. Conscientious, this one.
Breslow: "No questions."
Alicia: "Uh, you can't let that stand. It sounds bad."
Breslow: "The judge is smart enough to see he was just being conscientious."
Alicia: "Please, CFO client, let us cross-examine you so the judge will have to face it right now."
Breslow: "I cannot believe women are trying to tell me how to do my job. Next thing you know, this gay guy's gonna tell me this whole thing is none of our business."
Diane: "Oh shit, you want to lose. You want us to lose this so you can get to the Supreme Court."
Breslow: "Are you just now figuring this out?"
He pulls out a sword and waves it around, sprouting gleaming white wings and a breastplate of finest gold, yelling about how much fun it is to be self-righteous on other people's behalf.
Back in court, the CEO totally bones our guy, like, he actually just says the whole thing was the CFO's idea. Total lie. Breslow, again, sits it out. But have you heard about Alicia's fucks this year? Because she is not giving any of them. Over both portly white rich guy's protestations -- Breslow and Bucky, both for the same basic reason that they want to make this about gay marriage -- Alicia plays the original wiretap between the CEO and his wife.