But being told -- again, by straight people -- that I'm fundamentally unable to have a stable relationship, to enjoy monogamy, or have great old-fashioned vanilla sex with my boyfriend, makes me feel again like that lady who got thrown out of state Congress for saying vagina in a conversation about vaginas: "Hush, honey. The grownups are talking." It's not edgy, it's not good storytelling, and at this point it's not even realistic. Just another thing you heard about gay people twenty years ago that lends credence to the retarded false equivalency that there are two sides to the DOMA "debate."
L/G: "But the CEO cheats on his wife, too! Everybody cheats on everyone, that's not why gay marriage is a joke. In fact, we just threw that into this episode to lend our fun gay story even more horrible flavors."
Bebe, verbatim: "I'm ready to rule. It is true that the courts have been allowed leeway to discern whether individual marriages are legitimate, but I find the facts here to suggest nothing more than equivalence. Some heterosexual marriages are... messy. Some homosexual marriages are equally so. That proves nothing. DOMA is the law of the land. That is all I can depend on. For that reason, I must rule the wiretap is admissible."
Brother Owen: (A million sad gay faces, because I guess he's too stupid to understand what she just said, which frankly she could have said at the top of the episode because it's the only possible way this could come down. I hate it when this show gets so emotionally overwrought with itself that everybody on the show forgets how the law works, even though they are all lawyers.)
ALICIA & VERONICA
Alicia: "Mom, you cheated!"
Veronica: "I didn't cheat! I am just a flirt. Why are you holding me accountable for my actions, what is this. Are you mad because I vanished for two years? I can't be responsible for that either. Malcolm had, quote, the soul of a vagabond."
Alicia: "Just please don't start saying the word vagina at me..."
Veronica: (Swiftly says that word sixty-seven times in a row.)
Alicia: "You're such an old asshole."
Veronica: "Are you mad at me because you have a crush on your boss, Will?"
Alicia: "First of all, that doesn't even make sense. And second of all, OWEN!"
Owen: "I'm sorry! I had to tell her something! You know how all gay men are secretly imagining having gay sex with every man they meet or trying to trick them into having gay sex? It was one of those times."