Because certain self-victimhood factions, both online and in real life, have turned these discussions and definitions of privilege into a dog whistle -- a way of calling somebody a racist without actually doing it -- which is the opposite of healthy, or contributing to meaningful change. Privilege isn't something to be ashamed of, it's something to be aware of. You have to understand the part you play in the world, and that means understanding that gravity pulls down on each and every one of us -- Rihanna and Chris Brown and you and me and Rush Limbaugh and these rich gay white dudes -- and that each and every one of us is given different tools to relieve that pressure. Straight white rich dudes, they have the most. Birth control moved (white) ladies nearer to the top, for the first time in all of human history, then ever before. Everybody fights over who has the least, because at some point we got sold the idea that being a victim is glamorous and bitching is the new bragging.
None of that shit matters. At all. In fact, you can leave out racists and homophobes and actual misogynists altogether, because their opinions don't matter. They are not part of this conversation. They are not invited to this conversation. And once you've gotten rid of them, what's left? The privilege. Skinny people telling fat people how to diet. "They can say the n-word all they want, but..." Male feminists offering women advice on feminism. Straight people telling me how to be a gay man, straight people having discussions about my personhood right in front of me. White people who don't "see race." White people who feel screwed by Affirmative Action. Saying that calling somebody a racist or bigot or homophobe or bully is every bit as hateful and hurtful as actually being those things, that's a favorite of mine. That boycotting Chik-Fil-A is essentially committing financial terrorism against Christianity, remember that?
Or the ones that come to bear here, which can be the trickiest ones: Straight girls who think they're "basically" gay guys, which entitles them to a vacation in my exotic life and a ticket out any time they want to go home. Straight men who presume that every gay guy is sizing them up, or secretly wants to be a girl, or thinks gay dudes are adorably prissy, or emotionally volatile, or incredibly negative behind people's backs, or obsessed with appearances, or any of the other things in the Bitchy Gay Bundle they try to fool us into thinking is a viable personality. Or, you know: Straight people who think writing an entire episode of a usually fantastic TV show that mentions DOMA more times than Veronica does vaginas entitles them to throw around clichés about gay men's infidelity and promiscuity, because they're "keeping it real" and because they balanced it out with Sad Gay Owen fuckin' crying in the corner of the screen the entire time.