The Good Wife
A Defense Of Marriage

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
Continental Breakfast Is Not Real Breakfast

Brother Owen: "Wait, so I'm not a person?"
Alicia: "No, honey."
Brother Owen: (Sad gay face.)

"Thank God for straight people like you! They tell us whether or not we're people!"


Jeremy Breslow is some kind of huge, horrible gasbag who fights the Good Fight in the most unctuous, horrible gasbag way. Cary is in love with him, basically, because isn't it interesting that Cary is the most liberal one. Judging by weight, I would say he's worth about four Carys, which maybe that's why Cary loves him so much: He is four times as entitled and white and straight and all the Cary things.

Cary has an adorable shiner that makes him look like a cartoon puppy, remember that.

Cary: "Jeremy Breslow, I love you."
Breslow: "I can't abide what they have done to your face."
Cary: "Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea? Continental breakfast? Maybe the chance to heroically argue before the Supreme Court while standing on the backs of some second-class citizens?"
Breslow: "That last one."

Cary and his adorable shiner bring Breslow to a meeting with Lockhart, Gardner and Florrick, where he proceeds to act all horrible and bullshitty: By exploding this minor point of law and acting all offended about the fact that gay marriage is not real marriage, he wants to challenge DOMA in front of the SCOTUS. Being that the CFO and his pretend husband are rich white guys, they actually have a shot at proving they are people. Downside: Jeremy Breslow is super fucking horrible.

"This is my right hand. I want you to look at it. It is with this hand that I promised my brother -- dying of AIDS -- that I would defend the rights of gays to my very last breath. I would use all my talents, my strengths, my treasure to advance the cause of Stonewall, Harvey Milk, Lawrence v. Texas, and now... Will Gardner. Diane Lockhart. Names that will mean as much in two decades as those two. For we, right here, right now... we are making decisions that will impact the future of gay rights. And all you have to do is say yes."

Barf. Epic fucking barf. Not just for Jeremy Breslow, but this whole episode. "My brother, dying of AIDS"? Fuck you. That's like how the only people who ever get mad about the word retarded are the maiden aunt or quasi-friend of the family who thinks being a champion about something that is not actually happening makes them interesting and moral, instead of a self-absorbed crank who thinks their nephew's existence is about them, and not himself. You cannot prove your worth on the back of somebody else, no matter what their misfortune or minority status is, and when you do that you're essential pimping out the person in question, which is disgusting. Which looks so much worse on you than any nasty word anybody could ever say.

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The Good Wife




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