The Good Wife
A Defense Of Marriage

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Continental Breakfast Is Not Real Breakfast

Bebe: "Oh my God you guys have like twelve lawyers over there just for this one gay dude, that's hilarious."
Breslow: "For my first witness, I would like to call the former Attorney General of the United States."
Bucky: "Oh, I get it now. You are a freakin' douchebag."

ATTY GEN TESTIMONY

Bucky: "So what is the deal with DOMA? Let's talk about it for a really long time."
Atty Gen: "Okay, that sounds good and not at all boring."
Brother Owen: (Sad gay face.)
Bucky: "Is DOMA good or bad?"
Atty Gen: "Depends on if you think gay people are people. Not that anybody really thinks they are. The whole DOMA conversation is really just a disingenuous way of condescending like they are, like when you tell your housekeeper she's just like family."
Brother Owen: (Sad gay face.)
Bucky: "Right, or like when the GOP primary turned into gross little boys trying to see who could pee on more girls. Pretending women weren't people, like that?"
Atty Gen: "It's really the same thing. Gay rights are feminism."

Bucky: "Still, the US government officially says that breakfast does not exist, continental or otherwise."
Atty Gen: "Yeah, isn't that bullshit? Let's talk about it and be real patronizing about it."
Bucky: "But let's in mind that shitty stupid old people are CBS's main demographic and if we don't pretend there are two sides of this issue -- which there actually aren't -- they'll write letters. With pens, on paper, in tiny crabbed WWII handwriting, and stick stamps on them, and mail them to CBS."
Atty Gen: "Yeah, that false equivalency shit they've trained Democrats to indulge. Like pretending Creationism is anything more than a red flag that you're a literal moron and that your opinions don't matter."

Does the government enforce DOMA? No, because it is evil. But does the government think gay people are people? Also no. Well, Biden.
Bucky: "So let me get this straight*. The current administration considers the Defense of Marriage Act to be unconstitutional and discriminatory and it should not be enforced... Except when it comes to money."

Alicia objects to Bucky holding forth on this irrelevant shit, but is reminded that the Atty Gen is Breslow's witness and therefore he's the only one that can object. A thing I did not know. Breslow hisses at her for pretending she's a person when there's a man sitting right there, which gets Diane's hackles up and provokes barely any response from Alicia, beyond the fact that he is now dead to her.

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The Good Wife

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