Sample Dialogue #1: "The thought that my semen mixed with bin Laden..."
Sample Dialogue #2: "Come on, Eli, you know how this works. The semen doesn't just stay in us."
What? Who has this conversation? How does this conversation happen? Why are we thinking about this? What is with the semen-mixing? Is this some kind of Isaac and Ishmael thing where it's symbolic on an immediate level I don't get? So confusing. Anyway, they have a big boring fight about their big boring marriage that didn't exist until this episode, and there is a shitload of acting that happens, and then she leaves, the end. This episode makes zero sense to me.
Will: "What do you think of Caitlin?"
Alicia: "I like her. I don't wanna like her, but I like her. So I heard you met Zach, and that makes me nervous."
Will: "I really sort of pissed my pants on that one. I don't know what I was thinking, I just dorked right out."
Alicia: "He didn't seem too scornful. He's a pretty great kid."
Will: "Would you like, want me to really meet them?"
Alicia: "What? No."
Will: "I'm not sure you understand, I mean formally meet them, make a good impression."
Alicia: "I am fully aware, Will, of what you are saying. And the answer is no. Not just no, but like, Fuck no."
Will: "I feel like I should clarify, what I'm asking for is to be a larger part of your life, because I'm really lonely and I've been in love with you for a long time, and now you're finally this close to getting a divorce, and I just really..."
Alicia: Ducks down underneath her desk until he goes away.
Just kidding, it's ten times worse than that, because she's like, trying to indicate to him to back off with her tone -- "Really, it's not necessary" -- and he's being so nakedly and unreservedly sweet and sort of needy about it and finally she just flees, but not before being like, "Honestly, thank you very much and it means a lot to me that you want that, but no. I kind of need to be in charge here."
...Which is why he's all alone when Caitlin -- who has been lurking about waiting for him to walk by -- jumps out from a darkened doorway to flirt with him, and "apologize" for apparently "bothering" him, according to Mrs. Florrick, who told her not to talk to him or look him in the eye and to only come to her with questions. Which would have him well chuffed, I think, if she'd tried that shit ten minutes ago, but now just makes everything seem darker still.