Team L/G: "Chen, we have the backing of the US State Department."
Team Cary: "Everybody, we also have the backing of the US State Department."
US State Department: "Actually Dana's uncle is more powerful than Eli's ex-wife. Taiwan's feelings be damned because we're more worried that China will be angry if we are nice to them, and I don't know if you know this but China is scary as shit."
There was no Chen hair on the body of young Maya Nichols, but they did find that one male hair that seems like it would belong to Dick Anders, the Dutch kid. So now the question is, can we somehow get ahold of his hairs? Chen knows the combo to his gym locker at school, so that's helpful, because it's where he keeps his hairs.
Kalinda: "Look deep into my eyes and let me into the men's locker room."
Dude: "Youuuu gotttt ittt."
Kalinda: "In an even more absurd turn of events, the other seasickness band was in Dick Anders's locker, like some grisly Booze Cruise murder trophy."
Cary: "That doesn't make as much sense as things usually do on this show. Also, how did you find that?"
Kalinda: "I am magic. I left it there, you can check for yourself."
Meanwhile, Matan opens a trapdoor in the floor of the broom-closet-closet, revealing a pile of bones and damp ruled over by the King of Rats In Exile and his lunatic fringe of supporters: Cary's third new office this episode.
Kalinda: "So, you were married to Eli?"
Vanessa: "Four happy years, eight medium ones, and two bad ones. I hope that doesn't preclude me from running."
Kalinda: "I don't care about anything. Stop thinking I'm trying to judge you. Why did you divorce?"
Vanessa: "I think that was in the divorce settlement..."
Kalinda: "No, it just said Irreconcilable Differences."
Vanessa: "Indeed. We had differences, and we just could not reconcile them."
Kalinda: "Mrs. Ex-Gold, please stop dicking around."
Vanessa: "Fine. I was traveling a lot."
Kalinda: "Yeah, like to Dubai."
Vanessa: "Sure, for example."
Kalinda: "I am Kalinda."
Vanessa goes abruptly apeshit in a very Parker Posey way about how Eli is trying to use Kalinda to get at her soul or something, it's really weird, and you realize that Vanessa was sleeping with a man named Omar Tate while they were married, but that doesn't seem like a bad enough thing for Vanessa to be shitting bricks like this. I feel another Baseball Commissioner curveball coming. Anyway, she just begs Kalinda not to tell him about this, like one million times, but you know Kalinda's like, "I will tell him whatever I want. Begging me like this just makes you look weak."